Short but bitter

     So there was no blog yesterday. Got a little swamped and didn't have time. Okay, done with that.
     Today is the last day of March, and it's snowing. Big wet flakes of the stuff slowly drifting down from the heavens, coating the earth below. It's almost beautiful in its purity, and if this was late November I might even have had nice things to say about it! But it's March 31st. And it's snowing. I have no nice things to say about it.
     My new apartment is big and empty and I don't know how to deal with it. I've been going to bed earlier and earlier just so I don't have to deal with the emptiness. I can close my bedroom door and pretend that my room is the extent of things. I like having my own place. I can decorate it how I want, I can watch what I want, but it's lonely... Which is something I never ever thought I would be complaining about! I think what's really getting to me is the lack of noise. The place is silent unless I actively make noise, and because I'm in a new building, I'm nervous about playing any music too loudly. Which is an odd thing to be nervous about as the apartments are soundproofed. I watched Ant Man last night at a low-to-reasonable volume, and I kept turning it down every time something loudish happened.
      I don't have internet yet either. Which means that I can't distract myself with multiplayer gaming with my friends, and half of the games I have to finish need an internet connection to play (thanks DRM)! So even when I'm gaming, I'm alone with my thoughts. I have a lot of stressors in my life right now, stresses that I'm not going to get into here, and without distractions they have become the sole focus of my thoughts. I can't even upload my videos unless I do it at work, and this computer is so old that everything moves at 1/4 speed while stuff is uploading which makes it almost impossible to get any work done!
       I should be excited. I have a new place, all to myself! Instead I'm stuck wallowing in this pool of self pity and self destruction without a rope to pull myself out. Instead I go to bed at 8 and read until I  can justify falling asleep.
       I know I'll get used to it all in time--the silence and the emptiness--but it hasn't happened yet. Instead I just have this hole that seems to be getting bigger and bigger. You know what they say: every time one thing goes right, twenty things go wrong. 

To put it briefly...

     You've been without a blog post for a few days now. Everybody okay? Ya'll feeling alright? That's good, that's good. It was Easter, so the weekend was four days instead of two! That's the whole reason there was a lack of a blog.
      It was a busy weekend, that's for sure. Moved into my new apartment. Which took basically the whole time due to the packing and unpacking and driving. I will be uploading pictures eventually! There was supposed to be a vlog up today, but due to lack of internet and forgetfulness on my part, there isn't... Oops.
      This probably going to be short, I'm rocking a killer headache like Kayne rocks Kayne. Okay, maybe not that extreme. But it is up there!
     Uh... There will definitely be a vlog up tomorrow! I may even break down and use the last of my data on my phone--no, that's a bad idea. There will be a vlog up tomorrow though! A vlog that I started filming Friday and finished filming yesterday... Oops.
      Wow. This is short. 

Storms of Doubt

         Moments of doubt plague my existence as they do for everyone. Doubts enter into our thoughts everyday and shadow our every step. They are always there, ready and willing to tear us down given the smallest opportunity. Whether they do or not is entirely up to us.
        My most current wellspring of doubt is bubbling up from my impending move. This move is based on a job for which I am on contract for. I have already signed papers, and began the process of getting the necessities (wifi and HBO) set up. Here is where the doubts come in: my contract expires at the end of April, with very little chance of renewal (not because of my work, simply because this is a nonprofit and funds are limited).  I had always expected that this short renewal (originally my contract was up today) would be it, but I allowed myself to hope and believe that it would be extended once again! Alas, my suspicions were all but confirmed yesterday when my boss talked to me about how I was to be paid over the next month. So, at the end of April, I must begin a search for another job.
        The rental agreement I signed is for a 6 month lease, after the one month left here, that leaves me with five months on my lease. Which leaves me with decisions I must make: do I find a job that pays me enough to live for five months, do I get a job that I will actually enjoy but will leave after five months, or do I resign myself to moving here for the foreseeable future--thereby giving up moving back to the coast? Add to the equation the lack of jobs in the area that are suitably engaging, and the fact that my freelance writing is just starting to take off! You can also add my filmmaking and the decisions I have to make regarding that into the mix. The apartment is affordable right now. With my current wage I can afford it and all of my bills, if I can't find a job that pays the same (or more) then I will not be able to afford everything and continue eating. I can't cut wifi out, I need that for my writing and my filming. I can't cut my phone out for obvious reasons (I need to call people). I can't cut my car out--I live in the prairies, driving is literally a necessity.
         I wish that I could confidently throw my whole lot into my writing and filming and believe that everything will work out for the best. I wish I had the confidence to believe in myself and my art enough. I wish that I could drop everything and fly away from everything and everyone holding me back (including myself). But I can't, and thus my doubts grow.
        Self doubt is nothing new to me, for a very long time I gave up on myself and my dreams. I let myself become the person other people wanted me to become, and at the end of that dark era of my life, there were so many different versions of the entity known as Zak that I couldn't even identify myself. I've spent years digging myself out of that mire, years that left me with a dearth of self knowledge and identity. I have begun the process of pulling myself back together, of finding my identity as the creator--the artist--I want to be! Yet, with every step forward I am plagued with new doubts about the next ten steps. For every achievement I accomplish, doubts fill me about the validity of it, and of the possibility to continue on.
        You may be asking what this all has to do with an apartment, but on the other hand you may have put it all together yourself. In short, all of my doubts come from the same place: me. All of my doubts and apprehensions stem from my self-doubt and lack of faith in myself. As I am moving forward in my life a surge of new doubts and circumstances are threatening to knock me back. Whether I weather (heh) this new storm, or get blown away is entirely up to me.
        I just need to get over years, decades, of self doubt, and believe in myself.
        Easy, right?

Standing Together

       Humanity sucks sometimes. It really does. Just look at the past couple months. Hell, just look at yesterday! But I'm not talking about big gestures of humanity's ability to be terrible, I'm talking about the small moments that hurt my heart far more than the big things do. I believe humanity can become better. I believe we can move past all this, but until that happens, my heart will continue to break every day.
      You may be asking what brought this on, and that is a valid question. Today I found out about a youtuber by the name of TommyNC2010. He has autism, and he started making videos because he wanted to entertain people and bring some joy and happiness into the world. Those are admirable goals. Then another youtuber, a bigger one by the name of leafyishere, found Tommy's channel and decided to make fun of it and him. In the video leafy called Tommy names and mocked him. Soon after the video came out Tommy, and his family, began receiving death threats from leafy's fans. Tommy released an absolutely heartbreaking video of him in tears explaining that he had no idea what was going on, but that he was scared for his life and his family because of this. Leafy has since taken down his video attacking Tommy, saying he didn't know all the details like the fact that Tommy is autistic. A lot of big tubers have come out in defense of Tommy, including Philip DeFranco (who also started supporting Tommy through Patreon and urged his fans to do the same), and Tommy has gained almost 100 000 subscribers since this happened.
       Honestly, it shouldn't matter that Tommy has autism. Leafy has made his following from attacking other people on YouTube. Scrolling through his videos, you find attack after attack. He claims that it's all satire, but real satire doesn't lead to the people you're mocking receiving fucking death threats! Leafy has made his entire subscriber base off of hate and straight up bullying. So what he feels bad this time just because it turned out that Tommy has autism. How many of the other people he mocked were dealing with shit? How many of those other people, who may have been getting death threats, were depressed before leafy decided he needed a few more views?
      In our modern society it is far easier to make a career of mocking people than it is to make one of uplifting people, and that's absolutely terrifying. This mindset has created a society where Donald Drumpf is a serious contender for the presidency. This mindset has created a society where people like leafy can make a career off of mocking other people simply because they're different, or don't fit his particular paradigm of life. A society where people like Tommy who are just trying to make other people smile receive death threats for that.
       Tommy, if you ever read this, you are awesome. You keep going strong man! I've watched a few of your videos, and I've subscribed. You are making the world happier and better. We need more people like you right now.


You can find Tommy's channel here: https://goo.gl/ADw72l
and can find his patreon here: www.patreon.com/TommyNC2010

Je Suis Bruxelles

       Today we woke up to the news of another tragedy striking our planet. At around 8 AM local time, the Belgian capital of Brussels was attacked. Bombs first went off in the departures hall of the Brussels Airport. Less than an hour later a bomb went off inside a metro train car. Estimates are around 34 dead and 200 wounded. ISIS has reportedly taken credit for the attacks, but nothing is confirmed as of yet. All this mere months after the November 13 attacks on Paris.
       Last week I wrote about how the world can be changed for the better, and that is something I still believe. Today was a tragedy, how we react to it is our choice. We can react in fear and hate, which many are judging by the trending #stopislam topic on Twitter, or we can react rationally and move forward in a way that promotes a helpful response. Everyone spewing hate today, towards refugees and Muslims, is doing nothing to help the people of Brussels. People sitting behind a keyboard (yes, I see the irony) stirring the pot and promoting hate are only agitating an already volatile situation. People are promoting hate crimes and war crimes in response to this attack! That isn't the right response. Yes, terrorist groups need to be dealt with. But a terrorist group isn't an entire people or religion. When people speak of taking down the KKK, or shutting down the Westboro Baptist Church, they don't do it by advocating the entire dismantling of Christianity, because they know that the KKK don't represent Christianity! It's literally the same thing with ISIS. ISIS does not represent Islam. Say it with me: ISIS DOES NOT REPRESENT ISLAM. The people in ISIS are perverting a religion to their own needs and ideals. And all this anti-Islam rhetoric being tossed about is helping ISIS! The more the West turns against Muslims, the more power ISIS gains. The more misguided people get, the less focus that is placed upon ISIS.
     ISIS was allowed to come to power through our ignorance. By our dismissal of them, and by our hateful ways. Today, in the world, we have politicians gaining popularity through their proclamations of willingness to commit war crimes. We're living in a world, right now, where the more ignorant you are, the more popular you are. These people, these ignorant hatemongers, are supporting ISIS through their hate. By turning our backs on refugees and casting an entire religion as villains, we are making it easier for ISIS to gain recruits. We are making it easier for ISIS to commit atrocities. That, obviously, is something that we cannot allow to happen.
      We woke up to news of a tragedy today, let's make sure we don't wake up to another one of our own making tomorrow.  

The Devil of Hell's Kitchen

       Once upon a time, there was a blog that changed the world. A blog which enlightened, informed, entertained, and encouraged the masses. A blog which preached equality, and standing up for what's right. A blog that inspired with every word. That blog is not this one. This blog is gonna be about how awesome that fight scene from episode three, season two, of Daredevil was.
       So... spoilers I guess? For one fight scene.

      You all know the one I'm talking about. The one with a hallway, a staircase, a chain, a pistol, and one continuous shot. They hinted that there would be a fight scene that was going to as awesome as last year's hallway fight. They said it might be as good. And by god, they delivered. The scene was five minutes of one continuous shot that moved from a hallway into a stairwell and down those stairs. It was brutal, it was intense, and it was glorious.
      I'm not going to talk about the scene preceding this fight, all you need to know is that Murdock had been chained up, and had a gun duct taped to his hand.
      In this one scene, you got to see just how far Matt Murdock has come as the Devil of Hell's Kitchen. The way he fights is more methodical. He's using the tools he has available. He was more efficient. The scene gave me chills. You, as the viewer, know that Murdock could be killing each and every one of the bikers attacking him, yet he knows exactly how far he can go without killing them, and he never crosses that line. The chain became an extension of his arm, he was wielding it like he had been born with it. Effortlessly whipping it back and forth, knocking guns out of people's hands, pulling people to him.
       The scene finally ends with him standing on the ground floor, surrounded by unconscious bikers, chain still clenched in his fist, as he calmly collects his breath. The fight choreography in this show, guys, seriously. THE CHOREOGRAPHY IN THIS SHOW. It is like nothing else out there. Other shows have tried copying it: Arrow, Agents of SHIELD, and those are just the A's. I'm only on episode 6, due to some internet issues last night, but I am already liking this season more than the first. Which is really saying something considering how good that first season was.

You can catch up with Daredevil on Netflix, and while you're there, check out the other Defender of Hell's Kitchen: Jessica Jones.  

On writing

       To write is to impart pieces of your soul onto the medium. With each word one is giving the opportunity to peer within the writer's mind. With every word, the reader learns more about the writer. With every stylistic choice, a writer displays their morals and their values. Writers, more than most, bare the entirety of their souls. Anyone in the world can read what is written and have intimate knowledge of the writer.
      To be a writer requires a sort of courage, and to be a successful writer it requires self-sacrifice. To be successful one has to bare their entire soul for the world to see. What the world actually sees of this, is up to them and their intuitiveness.
      The prospect of writing is a daunting one. The idea of going full in and exposing your true self to the entirety of existence is intimidating! It should frighten everyone. That is why there are many people who write, yet so few writers. It is easy to pick up a pen and throw some meaningless words down on paper! Words soon to be forgotten, yet words nonetheless! A writer pours themselves into their words. A writer gives themselves completely over to the words, and loses themselves in them. A writer loses much in the pursuit of writing. They can lose their friends, their family, their sanity--but to a writer these are all acceptable losses. And they are temporary losses. During this time of metamorphosis from person to writer the true person is revealed, and as they are revealed, so too are their true friends and family.
       Writing is a process that takes time and dedication. Writing is art, and as all artists know, art takes years and years of practice. Even those naturally gifted in art take years and years to reach their peak. Writers can write for decades before they have a single publication, and even then, that doesn't mean that they are successful, but writers carry on. Through every setback, a writer will get back up and carry on.
       "But how," you cry, "can we know a writer's true voice when it changes from piece to piece?" The same way you know your friend's voice even when he is using a different tone, or speaking to someone else! All the different tones and styles a writer uses are simply showcasing the different voices they use in their day to day lives. A more laid back tone signifies the writer is at ease, and that the topic is casual, while a more serious and collected tone signifies something of import!


       Or, much more likely, the writer is simply bored and had a wish to sound pretentious. 

To My Love

     Um...so...yeah. Kinda forgot to post yesterday... Sorry about that, I know you were all devastated that you didn't get to read whatever eye-opening, cleverly written piece that I was going to publish yesterday. I can only assure you that it was going to be groundbreaking and possibly kick start the next phase of human evolution. But I done screwed up and forgot to post. Sorry next stage of human development, guess you're gonna have to wait and happen naturally because today I'm going to talk about some sentimental, ooey-gooey stuff that middle-aged women and poets love (I am a poet, so I can verify that my statement is accurate). Damn straight I'm gonna talk about love.
     My undying and unyielding love that I have for the most special matter in my life: Bioware. Oh how I love thee, Bioware. Literally countless hours I have spent in the warm embrace of your most bountiful bosom. For every moment that I have been down, you have been there to pick me back up, dust me off, and plant a gentle kiss upon my brow. For every time of anger, you have allowed me to vent it all through swarms of Darkspawn and those vile husks. For every time I lost myself, I could find it in you. For those times when I thought moving on was impossible, you showed me through the Warden, Hawke, the Inquisitor, and Shepherd that I could keep going.
       For all the moments when nothing seemed worth it, you proved me wrong and made me want to live. Some people may say that you just make video games, but they are so wrong. You give people hope, you show people that anything is possible, and to some, you give a reason to live. I do not regret a single second I spent in one of your creations, and I look forward to the countless hours I have in front of me.
      Cheers to you Bioware, you beautiful, wonderful people.
      Much love from a fan since Baldur's Gate




On the off chance someone from Bioware actually reads this, hi! Check out my vlogs, which have nothing to do with this post, just omg that would be so cool! youtube.com/shran100

Indiana Jones 5 Confirmed

      Indiana Jones 5 has been officially announced today after years, and years, and years of speculation. Harrison Ford is returning to don the fedora and bullwhip, along with Steven Spielberg on board in some capacity. The official releases make no mention of George Lucas.
      I'm excited for this. Legitimately excited. Indiana Jones is one of my heroes. I grew up wanting to be him, going on crazy adventures and finding cool old relics. Hell, I still have dreams of becoming him, even now with knowing that archaeologists don't carry guns or whips. I even enjoyed Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Why, you may ask, on God's green earth do I enjoy that film? Because it was still Indiana Jones. The tone wasn't any different from previous films, the sense of adventure and humour was still there, and Harrison Ford was still Indy. He still is. Plus, Indy and Marion got married at the end, which was something fans had been waiting for since Raiders! Was it my favourite film in the franchise? Of course not, that title is shared between Raiders and Crusade, shared because it switches back and forth depending on how I'm feeling on a particular day.
       There's no information on the new film other than it's happening and aiming for a 2019 release, until then there will be rampant speculation, wild theories, people bashing those involved, and a lot of very excited people.
       Even with all of the amazing movies coming out in the next few years, I already can't wait for 2019 and a chance to see my hero on the big screen again.   

A Better Tomorrow

      I had a discussion recently about whether or not humanity can better itself, or if it's destined to burn in the fires of its own making. Scientifically speaking, the Earth will burn up with the death of our star, but that's not for five billion+ years. Humanity seems to be in a pretty bad place right now: civil wars, riots, race crimes, terrorism, Donald Drumpf. Just watching an hour of news can be enough to crush the human spirit and believe that we, as a species, are doomed. The news always focuses on the negative though, there are positives out there! Humanity is slowly making things better. The key word there is "slowly"! A lot of people can't see that because we like our changes to be instant and flashy! Not slow and methodical.
       Equal Rights activists scored a major victory this past year with marriage equality becoming federal law in the States. Canada is becoming the beacon of peace and unity that it is known for again with the election of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The Human Rights crisis that are the Syrian refugees are being taken in and accepted by countries all over the world, in spite of the fear and hate mongering of ignorant people. Governments all over the globe are coming together to fight climate change. The word of scientists is becoming stronger than the words of corporations. China is becoming more open to western culture. Michael Bay has said the next Transformers will be his last one as director. The world is looking up. Humanity is well on its way to bettering itself.
       My generation, the often made fun of millennials, are actively trying to make the world a better place! Every day, people from my generation, people who are called lazy and entitled by previous generations, are going out and putting their lives on the line for those less fortunate. Every day millennials are going to other countries to do charity work, to build schools, to dig wells, to do whatever they can to help. We are actively trying to fix the previous generations mistakes. We are marching in the streets to support causes as diverse as #BlackLivesMatter to marriage equality. We are marching in the streets to show support for the common people. We, as a generation, are more accepting of others than previous generations, and if this positive trend continues, if we instill our beliefs and morals into the next generation, step by step the world will become a better place.
        For every story the news shows of a small group defacing a mosque or attacking someone for being different, there are dozens of unreported stories of the people that come and help. Of the people who are showing love. There's a military town in Alberta where a mosque was defaced. The windows broken, and the words "Go home" spray painted multiple times on the building. Two men were responsible for that act of hate. The majority of the community, including military personnel, showed up to help repair the broken windows and clean off the vandalism. People, throughout the day, stopped by the mosque with homemade posters saying "You are home" and messages of love and acceptance. The evil people in this world are outnumbered by the good. The world is becoming a more accepting and loving place. Change is a slow process, it always has been. It took 12 million years for the Grand Canyon to form, we can't expect the change in humanity to happen over night.
        I am sticking with this fight. I believe in the inherent goodness of humankind. I can't let the evil win. I cannot stand by as people get hurt by hate. Because love will always defeat hate in the end. This isn't a pointless fight. Humanity is not doomed to destroy itself. Nothing is predestined in life. To everyone reading this, if you are sitting silent in this fight, stand up and let your voice be heard! Do not remain apathetic when the very future of our species in on the line. Stand up and fight for humanity. Fight for the change you want to see. The change will happen. It takes time. But it will happen, so stand up and be a part of it. Lend your voice, lend your strength and courage, and be a part of this. No matter how alone you feel when you stand for a cause, know that you are not alone. Every movement, every change, starts with one person, one voice. Once people hear that voice, many more will stand up.
       I'm standing up, I'm fighting for a better tomorrow, for equality for all humanity. Are you going to join me? 

Why I do this

       I have a very short time to write this. Mainly because I was putting it off because I couldn't think of a topic. But, I don't write these for the topic, I write them for the sake of writing. Writing everyday is something that, as a writer, should be a habit. It's a form of mental exercise that allows me to hone my craft and become a better writer. I should be improving every single day. I take weekends off from this blog because my weekends should be focused on other writing pursuits. Like my professional writings, skits/other for YouTube (the other is still a secret (shh!)), and my more creative pursuits (memoir, novels, poetry, short stories).
       I write this during the work week because it takes a relatively short time to write, I rarely need to research or format anything for this. And the ones that I do research, usually take the entire day for me to actually write the article because I have to do it in the short times I have available.
      I honestly enjoy writing these and hope that you all enjoy reading them! I know I don't have a consistent theme on here, but I don't really feel the need for one. I write what I want, when I want. I literally have no one to answer to on this blog! As an artist, that is amazingly freeing! This is really short, but I have a headache, so deal with it.  

Ain't afraid of no ghosts

     To be remarkably cliched, I am standing here upon a precipice. Or maybe on a fence. Or... I'm not actually sure where I was going with that, but sometimes I pretend to be deep and good stuff happens. Apparently not today.
      The new Captain America: Civil War trailer drops today, so every few minutes I refresh YouTube and hope for a miracle. So far no luck... So lets talk about another trailer that got me excited! Yes, I'm talking about that other big team up happening this year: the new Ghostbusters!

Yup, this one.

      Honestly, I am so excited for this movie. And I've used this gif more times than is appropriate. Probably. Just look at it. It's...,mesmerizing. The film is already getting a lot of flak from overly sensitive boys because the primary cast is all female. Except for Chris Hemsworth, who plays the adorable secretary! There was a comment on the trailer that literally said: "There's only one guy in the trailer". Congratulations, you can count! What bearing does this have? Other people began whining that women couldn't play these roles because the characters were masculine heroes! Um, what? What can't women play scientists in movies? They're scientists in real life (women, not these particular actors)! Never mind the cast is bloody amazing! 

       People have also been complaining about the CGI, saying it looks terrible and dated. Okay, sure, it looks dated if you're from the future! Thanks for outing yourself Rip Hunter/The Doctor/other time travelers! The CGI looks fantastic! Ghosts aren't real (controversial opinion ish?), and if they are there is no documented footage of what real ghosts look like! So, how are we supposed to know if the ghosts are realistic or not? Until I see some real ghosts complaining, I will maintain that the CGI looks fantastic! 

          The humour looks good, the action looks good, the props look incredible! and we're finally getting the secretary that we've always wanted: Chris Hemsworth in glasses. 

         Completely unrelated: The Civil War trailer came out as I was writing this, and that's totally not why this felt rushed at the end.   

Pizza Review

       To paraphrase the Great Ben Wyatt, the pizza...betrayed me?!

Tuesday nights are pizza night for me, and last night I decided to pay an extra $3 for the stuffed crust option. I will never again make that mistake. It first all seemed good! The toppings tasted the same, the crust was slightly different, but not unpleasant! At first the crust tasted good and the cheese filling, which was not the over powering amount I had feared, was gooey near perfection.
      But then, as food tends to do, it cooled off. Normally this isn't a problem with pizza! Who doesn't enjoy a nice cold slice for breakfast occasionally? Unfortunately for the stuffed crust pizza, once it cools off the cheese inside the crust turns into rubber. And not the kind that comes in handy once pizza cools off either. I managed to eat an entire two, 2, slices of the pizza. After the second, which was after the pizza had cooled off (it was still warm, it was not cold), my stomach was in open rebellion against the Hand (Game of Thrones reference or Marvel, you decide), and I couldn't bring myself to having more. Soon, my stomach was rioting, and I believe it was trying to tear my internal organs apart. Or at least it felt that way. I have never in my life eaten so little pizza for a meal. Two small slices and I was down.
        Maybe this will become a new fad diet, maybe this is what I will become famous for. I don't know. I do know that I will never buy a stuffed crust pizza ever again.

                                   

International Women's Day

        Today is International Women's Day. The one day a year that we lift up and celebrate women while poor, fragile male egos bitch and complain about how life isn't fair. Personally, I think this is a wonderful day. I love having a specific day when I can celebrate all of the wonderful women in my life at the same time. A day when doing so is encouraged! Obviously, we should be uplifting and celebrating women every day, but today gives us a stage upon which to do so.
        Strong women have shaped my life. They have directed the flow of how I developed and maturated. As I've grown older I have found that I relate much stronger to women than men, and I am infinitely more comfortable in their company. Moving to Saskatchewan my first friend was a girl in my class, my very first friend in life was the neighbour girl (wrote on extensively here). Of course I have had, and continue to have strong male relationships, but they aren't the same. I'm reluctant to share personal things with them, and it takes far longer for me to open up and trust males than females. Looking at my life right now, of the people I consider to be close/best friends at least 80% are female.
         Growing up (and currently) I loved Star Trek. Captain Kirk was my hero. A swashbuckling, intelligent, space adventurer who saved the galaxy and looked good doing it. Then there are characters like Aragorn, Jon Snow, Kvothe, Belgarion, Paul Atreides, Captain America, and countless other fictional heroes that I looked up to and wanted to become. Video games have given me the opportunity to become those people! Yet, no matter what, in games with character customization I play as a female character so that I can relate to the story more. The Mass Effect series provided me with the perfect opportunity to become Captain Kirk, yet out of the countless (literally, I have no idea how many times I have played the series) times I've played, only once has been as a male Shepherd, and I forced myself to do it because NPCs reacted differently and I wanted to experience it for myself. Whenever people would ask me why, I would always just say it was because I enjoyed stories with strong female protagonists. I didn't know how to tell the people asking that it was because I could relate with females better. I still don't really. I don't know if I could have this conversation face to face.
          In high school, my male peers would often complain about how they just couldn't understand how women think, or why they would do things a certain way. I never had that problem. I could understand, I could relate. I was on this weird fence where I could understand why the guys were doing things one way and why the girls were doing it another. What confused me was that no one else could see it.
          Okay. I have gone way off topic. Kinda. What I want to say is this: Happy International Women's Day! I hope each and every one of you get the wonderful day you all deserve! And that you get those days tomorrow and the days after that. Women should be celebrated and uplifted every single day. But I'm glad that I get today to thank all of you! And to all of the women in my life, each and every one of you is smart, amazing, and beautiful. I love each and every single one of you!    

Dreams Come True

      This weekend I filmed a video where I read one of my blog posts, and I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from it, and it has been suggested that I make it into an ongoing series. Once the idea had been suggested to me, the thought of making it a regular feature had never crossed my mind, it made sense. It's a way of promoting this blog and creating quality content at the same time. It will also push me into making better blog posts on a regular basis as I will need good ones to read off. You can find the video here.
       My contract here is almost up (I'm done at the end of the month), and I don't know what my future holds. My first article will be published very soon. Like. In days I will be a professionally published writer. I'm working on my second article, so my writing career is on the right path. Hopefully after this article gets out, I will be able to add more publications to my list, and focus full time on writing. Working freelance in the writing community is possible, but I will need more than one magazine publishing my stuff. Unless my article absolutely blows up and Time magazine buys it and hires me. Buys me a sick apartment in downtown Vancouver. That would be pretty sick. I'd be okay with that. Realistically, that's not gonna happen. What is going to happen is pretty cool though. The entire queer community of one of the largest cities in the prairies is going to know my name. They're going to read the words I wrote. And they'll hopefully like it enough that I get to keep writing for OutWords and move ever closer to the day where writing will be how I make my living.
        I know I keep bringing up how excited I am and all that, but I've never really mentioned how amazing it is that it actually happened. Getting published professionally is hard. I'm not even going to use a descriptor there; it is just straight up hard. Authors spend years and years struggling to get published by anything. They live in poverty, struggling to eat and live as they send submission after submission out just trying to get noticed. Most authors have a huge collection--dozens, hundreds!-- of rejection letters to chronicle their attempts. I have three or four. And two of those were for a poetry contest that I sent the wrong kind of poems to. The fact that I sent OutWords an unsolicited submission and proceeded to start writing for them is insane! I mean, they didn't publish my submission because it's not something that they usually use, but they liked it enough to offer me the chance to write for them.
         I started writing for them, under the condition that my first few articles would be published online only, and would be done pro bono (not paid). I didn't care, I was excited for the prospect of eventually getting published in print by them. I went out and interviewed a bunch of people, and I wrote my article to the best of my abilities, knowing full well that it was just going to be published online, but I still needed to do good. I needed to prove to them that my words would be good enough to be published in print by them one day.
        Apparently I proved that point rather well. I sent in my first draft, not expecting much, just some notes on potential changes, and the like. Instead I got an email back from my editor saying that it was amazing and that nothing would really have to change. And then she asked if I was okay with it being published in print. And, since it was going to be in print, I would be getting paid for it. With zero hesitation, and zero chill if you're so inclined, I said I was totally okay with that.
       This all started with an unsolicited submission that I had forgotten about. From the submission I got a chance to write online content for this magazine. And once they had read this article, they decided to put it in print making me a professional writer. After a minimum of rejection letters, I became a professional writer.
        I had almost given up on the dream of becoming a professional writer. I almost gave up on writing. My depression had started telling me that I wasn't good. That no one would ever want to read my writing. And I listened, and I started to believe. I almost gave up on my dreams when I was at my lowest point. I probably would have, if it wasn't for that submission I forget existed. And now things have switched around completely. My dream has been realized. I haven't published a novel yet, but the possibility of that becoming a reality is much stronger now.
        Dreams can come true. No matter what people are telling you, no matter what you're telling yourself! Your dreams can come true! As long as you are trying to make them happen, they can.

I think this is my longest non-short-story blog post. Huh. You're welcome. 

100 VLOGS

       Short and sweet today.
      My 100th vlog is up. I love it. I think it's beautiful. Thank you to everyone who submitted, you guys are awesome! Without you this wouldn't have been possible. I feel a little like I'm living a dream right now. Thank you all! The whole thing was a wonderful experience. And, no, I did not eat that whole cake. I've been asked a few times about that.
GO WATCH IT! RIGHT HERE: https://youtu.be/Dsqq-G93yPQ

Milestones on World Book Day

       Gonna be straight up with y'all here: this blog and tomorrow's will probably be on the theme of milestones. Specifically the somewhat significant milestone that I will be accomplishing today (filming my 100th vlog, pay attention)! I have stuck with this vlog for well over 100 days (especially since most of my first ones took place over a few days to a week), and have poured countless hours into editing and filming. Add in the other content on my channel, and I don't even want to think about the time! Added up (yes, I literally just did the math) I have created over 11 hours of YouTube content. Eleven hours. I, uh, well. I didn't think it was close to that. That's a lot of hours. That's more than a season of Game of Thrones, and almost as many deaths. Too dark of a joke or just dark enough? Let me know! I'm kidding. Don't let me know, I don't care.

       Milestones! This vlog will actually be my 115 upload, but that doesn't matter. I'm not counting everything else. Just vlogs. I am so excited to share all the submissions with you guys tomorrow! I'm probably gonna cry at some point in the video too, so you definitely have that to look forward to! If that's something you've been waiting to see. It probably is, you monsters. (I really hope my giddiness is apparent in my writing right now)

       I got super sidetracked from writing this like two hours ago and my whole train of thought has been derailed. 

      Uh, yeah, big day today/tomorrow. So...big days I guess. And, today is also World Book Day! So go and pick up a book! Any book! Yes, comics totally count! Here's the plan, okay?

1. Read this
2. Watch my vlog  
3. Like and subscribe (duh)
4. Read a book! 

     I have a few suggestions for that book, in a variety of genres:

1. You're Never Weird on the Internet (almost) - Felicia Day 
2. Chose Your Own Autobiography - Neil Patrick Harris
3. Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls - David Sedaris
4. Dune - Frank Herbert 
5. The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss 
6. Ms Marvel: No Normal - G. Willow Wilson
7. Deadpool: Dead Presidents - Various
8. The Blade Itself - Joe Abercrombie
9. American Gods - Neil Gaiman
10. The Ocean at the End of the Lane - Neil Gaiman
11. Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman
12. I think you see where that's going
13. Leviathan Wakes - James SA Corey

Go out and read! Explore new worlds, discover new cultures! Learn new things about yourself! AND HAVE FUN! 

#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain

As a person living on this planet, I have been paying attention to the American election. At first it was amusing and humorous, but lately it has moved on to become downright terrifying. At first I was confident in my belief that Donald Drumpf (#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain) would never even become the Republican nomination. Now I'm scared because he actually stands a chance at becoming President. You can have the belief that the POTUS doesn't have any effect on us here in Canada, but you are so wrong. This man is insane. And he could possibly become the leader of the strongest military on the planet. He would have access to nukes people! NUCLEAR WEAPONS. That would be very, very bad for the entire planet!

There have been a lot of comparisons drawn comparing him to Hitler, and yeah, they totally have merit. I could go on a big rant, but I'm going to allow this quote to do it for me:

None of that excuses autocracy or fascist leanings. “Trump [sic] isn’t Hitler” isn’t a defense; it’s an excuse—a way of letting Trump [sic] get as close to the line of actual fascism without stepping over it. If we let him close to that line he will, like a toddler, slip a toe over, then a foot, to test us and see how far he can really go. We shouldn’t have to wait for someone to go full Hitler to recognize a danger to our system of government.

Besides, even Hitler wasn’t “Hitler” when he was running for office in 1928 and 1932. He hadn’t yet brought down democracy in Europe, started the most catastrophic war in all history, and murdered millions. He was just a powerful orator who knew how to connect with everyday people—mainly by exploiting their fears and anxieties over economic dislocation, racial tension, and their belief that they just didn’t win anymore. He wanted to help make Germany great again, and Germans agreed. The rest is history.

The quote comes from this article. It’s a good read.

            The whole world right now is watching the States with bated breath. The whole world sees what and who Drumpf is, and is hoping and praying that Americans don’t elect that man. That Americans, who didn’t want to fight Hitler in the first place, don’t create the next one. It is objectively terrifying. The man is a racist bigot! He has made disparaging remarks about every demographic that doesn’t include white males. Hell, he said he wouldn’t even condemn the goddamn KKK without some more research. Because the KKK are so unknown and unheard of. And people agree with him! Enough people that he actually stands a chance of winning! My god. Was World War II that long ago that people don’t remember or care how it started? Because it started exactly this way! A bigoted man running an election campaign. I know history repeats itself, but come on! It hasn’t even been a century yet!

            There have been lots of comment floating around about Americans moving to Canada if Hitler—sorry—Drumpf gets elected. You know how you stop that? YOU GO AND FUCKING VOTE AGAINST HIM! Don’t just say you’ll move if he gets elected! Actively try and stop his election! Vote against him! Spread the information that discloses his lies around! Talk to people! Show people how he really is! GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING! You have that power. You have the right and responsibility to vote. Use it.  

The Future!

      I feel good. After my post yesterday, and how good yesterday's video turned out, I feel good. I went to sleep happy last night instead of just tired. I was happy with the footage I shot and edited last night instead of merely apathetic. Now I just need to keep this feeling going!
     I received a fair amount of positivity from many people in regards to yesterdays post. I had people telling me that they thought it was brave of me to put that out there, and I got a lot of messages from close friends simply saying that they loved me. I didn't post it for recognition, or to be brave--I appreciate the remarks, don't get me wrong! My only reason for publishing it was to get that all out there. To let people know why my content was suffering. And I did. And it felt good.
      I'm moving steadily closer to vlog 100; I'm filming 98 today! And I am excited for it! I'm excited that at the three vlogs before it will be up to my standards and worthy of preceding my 100th. I have a few submissions in already, and I know for sure of a few more. I am so excited to share these with all of you. The ones I have already are pretty good. Honestly, above and beyond what I was expecting when I set out with this crazy plan. Y'all just have to wait a few more days to see it!
       I do have sort of a plan for what happens after this milestone, a very vague plan. In the near future, I will be doing a Draw My Life video, once I figure out how I want to set it up... And work on my drawing skills. Unless someone wants to volunteer? No? Okay... I'll do it. After that I will be posting skits on a more regular basis, along with the challenge videos which used to be a regular feature, and I hope to bring back my news show.
      In regards to the news show, I hope to streamline it more and have a specific theme for the entire series. What that theme is will be kept a secret until I upload the first episode of this newly revamped and retooled series! Suffice to say, I am pretty excited for this new series, and cannot wait to see how it goes! I may have just gotten sidetracked and worked on that for like forty minutes... Oops. But I'm excited! And I hope you will be too!
       So that's the future. It looks pretty good. The present is looking decent as well. Lots to do, and lots to look forward to. I'm so glad to have all of you on this journey with me!