About my dad

     Apparently people like my serious posts a lot better than my less so ones. I do have some serious stuff that I want to talk about, I just don't want to yet. I actually have dates in mind for a few specific posts! It's as surprising to me as it is to you, trust me! So for today's post I will discuss... Um. Where I want to go as a filmmaker? No... did that a couple posts ago.
     My dad is running for provincial office this election. The NDP approached him, and asked him to run in his home riding. Mom and I, plus a few others, convinced that he would actually be a good candidate, and eventually he agreed to run. I honestly believe he is a great choice. His priorities are in the right spot: he wants more spending done on the people of the province, and not on outsourcing our resources. The current administration has done some good for our province, I'll freely admit that, but lately they've been hurting the people by focusing on making money off our resources. Instead of spending money on the population, they have been spending money on out of country (not just out of province) contractors to take our resources. Jobs that could've been done by Saskatchewan companies, sure it may be less money at the start, but it would've been better for our economy in the long run.
       I'm off topic.
       I am so proud of my dad for doing this. He has his heart in the right place, and the people in his riding know that. They know him. He's been working as a school counsellor in the area for 10 years, and has been living there for almost twenty. He is always going out of his way to help people and this is just another way that he is doing so.
      I am so proud of him.
      I love ya Dad.

You can find his social media at:
twitter.com/danny_hiscock
facebook.com/dannyhiscocksaskndp

Edgar the Turtle

     I think it's short story time. So here is a children's fairy tale I wrote about a turtle named Edgar. Enjoy.

In a small village by the forest there lived a turtle. Now, this was no ordinary turtle, you see his shell was made of the leaves of the forest and of the flowers of the meadow. And his eyes! He had the most wondrous eyes, you see! If you looked close enough you could see the waves of the nearby lake. Edgar was a caring turtle, always playing with the village children and warning the townsmen about storms brewing on the lake.  

Everyone loved Edgar, he was even elected mayor of the small village. He ushered in a time of prosperity and peace for the region, which sounds ridiculous since Edgar was a turtle. Obviously the village was quite distraught when they woke up one spring afternoon to find him missing. They searched everywhere! They looked high and low! And while high and down. They checked his frequent stops and even his in-laws. And when they grew extremely desperate they asked his wife, Esmeralda. She hadn’t seen him in three days, nothing out of the ordinary.  

They tried to organize search parties, but without Edgar’s guidance they ended up having a lovely picnic while occasionally calling out his name. In between courses of course. This went on for three days until the picnic food began to run low. Unfortunately they were forced to begin eating their feasting foods. That night they tried to set up the great silk party pavilions, but without Edgar, they didn’t know how to. So they turned it into a giant blanket! By morning, the silk was ruined. Fat and grease stains covered every inch of the thing.  

It had been four days since Edgar disappeared, and the townspeople were growing concerned. Concerned enough to actually focus on their search and look outside of the village. They still didn’t know how to divide into smaller groups so they walked out into the forest in a large mob, trampling the meadow, and breaking the saplings.  

They walked under the branches and over the fallen trees, they tried calling out to him, but they ended up having a singing contest and a mushroom eating contest. After that last one the trees began to change colour and move about. The townspeople fled the forest screaming, only to run right into the lake. Half of them survived the three foot deep waters. The survivors were treated as heroes when they returned to the village in defeat.  

Edgar returned a week later from his annual vacation to the everglades to find the village half burnt to the ground and the people running around unclothed because they had forgotten how to wash their clothes. Now you might think that Edgar was surprised by what he had found, and to the average person this would be. But Edgar was turtle, not easily surprised. Add to the fact that he came back to this every year. You see Edgar was the mayor of a town populated by what the politically correct call slow people. Slow enough to elect a turtle to be mayor and then to annually burn the town down. You see, everything falls apart when your mayor turtle is the smartest person in town.

Getting back on track

     I am making a concentrated effort to get back on track with my filming. I think I'm getting back into the swing of things.. I'm remembering to film, and I am actually getting a fair amount of footage on a daily basis. That said, I am still not comfortable with filming in stores, or other such public places. It just feels a little awkward. It would probably not feel so weird in larger centres, but I'm not in them. So for now, I will just awkwardly film random bits and pieces of things!
     I'm really enjoying being able to film things other than just driving again. It's nice to have time to do that, and to be able to edit. I actually missed editing on a regular basis! Which apparently is a common thing for vloggers. I want to grow as a filmmaker, and being able to film and edit on a daily basis will help me to grow my skills. I want to start experimenting with my filming, and maybe try some different things with my editing. I really want to set up some multi camera shots, but I keep forgetting my tripod at home, and that kind of limits my options for that.
      This got a little technical. I wasn't planning that. Although, I rarely plan my blogs... So I guess that's to be expected? Hmm. Anywho.
      I'm glad so many of you enjoyed yesterday's post! I really enjoyed writing it, and sharing that news with all of you! It feels really good to say all of that, and I am super glad that I can share it with all of you. The fact that these posts are being read all over the world (literally) is staggering! I always wanted to be read by people from all over, and I am. It's incredible. Simply incredible. Man, I'm thanking you guys a lot lately! Good thing I insult you so much in my vlogs to make up for it!
     Love you all! (seriously, I do. It's amazing that you all put time aside to read these and watch my videos, and I appreciate it so much!)

I'M A PROFESSIONAL WRITER AND I USE CAPS LOCK

Okay. Okay. Okay. I've calmed down sufficiently to actually type this. I have phenomenal news. Soon after I published my last blog, my editor got back to me. She loved my article. She loved it so much that instead of being online only, she has decided to print it as well! And I was supposed to be in an unpaid testing period, to see how will I fit in with the magazine and my editor. That's been scrapped. I'm getting paid for my article, and I've been added to their writing staff!
     I am now a professional writer. In every sense of the word. Getting paid to write has been my dream since elementary school, and now that dream is a reality! I have literally had one of my dreams come true. It's mind blowing. I could barely process it! I still can barely process it and it's almost been a week. I am a professional writer. After all the rejection letters, all the times I got knocked down and pushed aside, it's finally happening.
      I... I am so overwhelmed with emotions. I don't really know how to describe the amounts of sheer joy I felt, and still feel, when I read that email. I felt like I was floating. Like I was invincible. After all the hits I've taken over the past few years, I felt like I could do anything after reading that email. I read interviews from fellow writers talking about how long and hard they worked to get to where they are today, and I never thought that I would actually be able to call them my peers. If it was so hard for these people, who make up the pantheon of authors, how could I ever hope to be published? How could I ever even be on the lowest rung of that ladder to authordom. Yet here I am.
       I know a lot of negative people are out there who would belittle this accomplishment, who would tell me that it's just a magazine out of Winnipeg for the queer community. And ya know what? I'm sorry for those people. I'm sorry that they are so sad with their lives that they feel the need to belittle and degrade the accomplishments of others just to feel alright with themselves. And I know this feels a little off being added here, but I feel like I should just cover all the bases. So if you're reading this, and you feel like saying anything negative, just know that I feel sorry for you, and that I'm not going to care. Also, you can go--nope. I'm going to be nice.
      Thank you, to all of you who have believed in me, and have supported me along this crazy journey. To my parents who read and edited all the short stories I wrote in elementary and junior high, to the English teachers who have encouraged my writing since day one, to my friends who have put up with tuning them out because I had an idea and needed to get it down, to my sister Kat for always supporting me, and to everyone else, thank you. I wouldn't be celebrating this accomplishment without you. Thank you, and I love you.
       I'm expecting all of you to read it. And everything else I write.
      Also to subscribe to my channel: Zakitude Vlogs.  

I did it

     I sent my article in today. I feel... good. I think. I feel good about it. I've been focusing on it in all of my spare time lately, so I haven't had time to post here. I hope it was worth it. I think it was. I'm happy with the way it turned out. I  may have tweaked the conclusion a little more, but overall I feel good about it.
     I was so nervous about it this morning. I printed it off and went over it again and made a few last minute edits. My hands were shaking a little as I went to pick it up from the printer, and I just sat and stared at it for a while. The dreaded red pen, sitting menacingly beside the crisp white paper. My mind was racing, my pulse pounding. What if it was absolute shit? What if I used all the wrong pronouns? What if I messed up on everyone's names? What if, this is the big one, I found out I was a fraud? What if I was a terrible writer? Finally, I slowly picked up the pen and went to work.
    I only made a few changes. Took some phrases out, changed some sentence structure. Nothing earth shattering. I was alright. I saved it under a new name, and I sent it off.
    And now I'm just waiting to hear back, and that is a whole other story. 

Not waking up at 6

    Apparently no one liked my post yesterday. That's just super rude guys. I shared some important stuff! But, whatever. Be like that. I'll just copy and paste it into this post. See how y'all like that. I'M KIDDING! DON'T LEAVE! This will be all new stuff! Promise!
     I haven't been filming much lately, mostly because all I do during the week is drive and work, but once I get a place in the city I will be filming and posting on a more regular basis! Promise! I know you all are really missing my daily vlogs, and my general musings on life therein. I'm also considering streaming on twitch once a week once I'm in the city and have time to play video games (I am so sorry Lara, we'll [redacted] soon!) again. Just another way to expand my brand! Which was a resolution of mine, if you can remember all the way back to that post! I'm also looking at designing some shirts and stuff to sell for my vlog as well. I'm going to have so much more open time once I'm living here. I'll even be able to work on my memoir again! And work on my other writing!
     I'm hoping to have a place starting next week. That's the goal. The dream if you will.
    Honestly, I am so looking forward to not driving nearly 3 hours everyday. That's the biggest thing. And not waking up at 6 am everyday. I could sleep in until 7. And still have tons of time to get ready. That's the dream. Waking up at 7 instead of 6, that has become my dream. Well. Alright. I think I'm okay with that. 

Progress for progress sake

    I started working on the body of my article today. I've got it planned out, and quotes chosen, and now it's time to get to work! I'm starting with two less interviews than I planned, and one less than I would like, but my deadline is coming up, and I need to get it done. It's been awhile since I've worked with a word count, it's going to take some extreme editing to keep it around my mark and not wildly over. Contrary to these blog posts, I can be relatively long winded... You're all surprised, I'm sure. Shocked even.
    I showed a friend of mine what I have so far, and she's hooked and excited to read the rest of it! And because of my ego, I'm not going to let anyone else read it in case they tell me it sucks. Other than my editor, because she has to read it before it's published... Maybe I can work out a system where I'm the writer and the editor, and the publishers okay with it. Alas, such a system does not exist and probably should never actually be a thing.
      As I'm working on this article there are a ton of conflicting feelings going through me. I've never been this stressed about something I've written, and I've never been this excited about something that I'm writing! One of my biggest dreams could come true because of this article! And that is so exciting! And one of my biggest dreams could crash and burn because of this article, and that is so stressful.
    I know I have the support of a lot of people, and not just those closest to me! I know the people whom I have interviewed are backing me up to. They want their stories told, they think that it can help people, and they are trusting me to get it out there. It's an incredible feeling.

Man Walks into a Bar

I`m cheating and posting a short story. So sue me. But don`t literally because I don`t have money.

A man walks into a bar. Sounds terribly clichéd, but bear with this. A man walks into a bar. A big bull of a man, the kind of shoulders that made football coaches excited, and the kind of muscles that made people question his intelligence. This man walks into a bar. Now, if this was his usual watering hole there wouldn’t have been any notice, maybe a hello, but this wasn’t his usual watering hole. This man wasn’t from around these parts and his entrance caused quite a stir. A lot of suspicious glances were thrown his way as he slowly ambled up to the bar and ordered a drink.

                “What’s your best scotch?” The man who walked into the bar asked.

                The bartender looked thrown for a moment, this was a beer town and not many people even knew what scotch was. “Uh, um. Well, I think I gots a bottle a Grant’s down here. That’s bout all I gots.”

                The man who walked into the bar stared hard into the bartender’s eye, a hard glint dulling the rest of his eyes. “Grant’s? Damn. I’ll have…” He paused when he noticed the lack of draft. “I’ll have a Corona. I guess. With extra lime.” The man who walked into the bar swiveled on his stool until he was facing the main floor, he leaned his shoulders comfortably on the bar and took a quick smell of the place. The bar was sparsely populated for a Friday night; a group of friends playing at one of the three tables, some sorority girls getting drunk to forget their fathers, and some middle aged men dressed way too young, forgetting their age. A typical bar filled with the typical people. All of whom continued to force causal looks at the man who walked into the bar.

                A cough. “Um, pardon, we’re outta limes, so I put some lemon slices inta yer beer instead. Hope that’s alright.” The bartender left the now soiled beer on the bar and walked away.

                The man who walked into the bar turned and stared at his ruined beer, bright flashes of yellow floating in amongst the amber, mocking him. He hefted it and forced a swallow. Tasted like beer. Good enough. “Hey, son, what’s the story of this town? Where is everybody?” When the bartender looked at him in confusion he continued, “yeah, you. This place should be crawling, or at least have some half decent scotch. What’s the story?”

                The bartender, who looked barely old enough to be drinking, came back. “Sir, yer not from around here, so I’m guessin’ ya don’t know what’s been happenin’. There’s been what the police are callin’ a spree of murders. Twelve people been killed this past month here. The police been draggin’ us all in ta ask us questions and stuff. The entire towns been asked the same things. And we all been ruled out as what ya call suspects. Kinda hard ta have good times when ya don’t know where the killer is. Or who.”

                The man who walked into the bar was watching the universe be born, die, and be reborn, as he looked into his beer. “Guess that would explain all the glances folks been giving me. Just my luck, ride into a town in the midst of a terror. How long since the last murder?”

The bartender looked around nervously, as if afraid that answering would jinx everything, “Been three days, sir. That’s been the pattern. Three days in between killin’s. Yes sir, the looks are probably because you ain’t from here. We all know we ain’t the killer, but we don’t know you.”

The man who walked into the bar downed the last of his beer. “That is true. You don’t know me. Got no reason to trust me, as well you shouldn’t. Damn shame about the lack of a crowd tonight. Didn’t think my brothers would’ve all came through the same town.”

The bartender began hiccupping, a sure sign of his nervousness. “What are you trynna say here? You the killer?”

The man who walked into the bar smiled, “No, no, my good man. My brothers have been the killers here, I’ve only just arrived. Really a shame about your scotch collection. Put me a right terrible mood.” The man who walked into a bar reached up and casually killed the bartender. And then, equally as casual, killed the rest of people in the building.

A man walks into a bar. 

50 blogs! Yesterday...

     Yesterday was my 50th blog and nobody told me! You all let me post that mess of a blog that is so not going to get me a sponsorship! No, no, I don't wanna hear that I should've known because there's a counter at the top of the page. This is so on all of you. Not me at all. Nope. Noooope.

     Fine. It may have been slightly my fault... Especially the part where I didn't know what to write about in the first place. But! Now that I know I messed up my 50th blog, I do know what to write about! 

    I started this blog as basically a writing exercise for myself.  A way to make sure I was writing something new on a regular basis. Even just random streams of thought like yesterday! Because it all helps in the creative process. Since its inception however, it has grown into something more than that. It has become something that I actually care about. It's become a place where I can speak my mind and share what's important to me. And where I can post really sarcastic stuff that doesn't actually get read... I've been able to write on topics that really matter! And you're reading them! And sharing them! And hopefully enjoying them even! Between this blog and my tumblr my post on Ace Day has been shared almost 1000 times! That's incredible! Because I submitted something that I wrote for my blog, a magazine has asked me to write for them! The previous sentence doesn't quite fit the flow but I don't care! 

      This goes without saying, but none of this would've been possible if it weren't you, my readers. You have guys have read 50 (51) blogs that I've written! Possibly more if you read my older blogs. And you have stuck around! You care about what I'm saying for some strange reason! 

      Thank you all. From the very bottom of my heart. You guys are amazing. 

      Go watch my vlog now. 

      youtube.com/shran100

      in case you forgot. 

      Love you all! 

      And see you in another 50!

mixed ramblings followed by excitement

       I don't know what to write about today, and I don't want to cop out and just post a short story that I wrote a while ago. I need to write something new and fresh! I was going to write something about the funeral yesterday, but nothing really seemed right. 

      Winter is finally coming into full swing here. It's only -8 today, but tomorrow is supposed to dramatically drop all the way down to a brisk -30. Add that to all the snow we're getting, and it appears to actually be winter. Oddly enough there are a lot of people who are happy with this news! Personally, I am disappointed. I had grown fond of this mild winter, globally warming be damned (tbh, I was actually pretty frightened about the fact we weren't cold yet)! That said, I guess I just need to bunker down and actually zip up my jacket when I go outside now. 

     So... newleaf airlines starts flying in February, and I am super excited about this! Why you ask? Because a normal flight from Saskatoon to Vancouver costs around $500, and that's with a sale and needing to switch flights, but with newleaf that flight is only going to cost $178. And it's a direct flight. Flying out to see family used to have to be something that was planned out and saved for because it wouldn't be worth the cost to fly out for a weekend! Now, with newleaf, flying out to Vancouver for the weekend is something plausible! And it would honestly cost about the same as driving to Saskatoon for the weekend. 

      This isn't an ad, or a paid sponsor, but I honestly intend to use this new service to its full extent! And if newleaf were to offer me a sponsorship deal to fly around Canada and film stuff for them I would totally accept that offer... just putting that out there. 

When you don't say good bye

     My Pastor from High School passed away New Years Eve. He was a fairly large influence on me during those years, and a lot of my morals probably came from him. He was the reason I got to be a camp cabin leader when I was 13. He was the reason I got to change so many lives for the better. He made me want to be a better and more spiritual person. I don't have any memories of him getting angry, even at the really exasperating kids at camp. He was always calm and collected. Plus he knew magic tricks and taught me how to saw people in half.
     I had a spiritual crisis during my third year of bible college and I fell away from the Church. I had a lot of personal reasons for wanting away from religion, and I had some negative experiences with leaders in the Christian community right before I fell away. I was angry, and I was emotional. So I left. Soon after my Pastor got really sick and had to retire. He had a bunch of surgeries and it looked really bleak for a while. I watched everything from the sidelines, I still cared about him, but I was scared to get back in contact with anyone from my old church. It had been too long, and I was scared people would be disappointed with me.
    This was all years ago, and I had pushed all these thoughts to the back of my head and forgot about them.
    And now a man who had such an influence on my life is dead, and I cannot remember the last time I even spoke to him. I can't remember the last words that we exchanged; that last tidbit of advice he gave me. I was so caught up in my own emotions that I never stopped to ask for help from the one person who probably could've helped, and now I'm never going to get that chance again.
     The funeral is tomorrow, and I know that I should go. And I am. But, I have all these fears and anxieties about seeing all the people I used to go to church with. I haven't seen or spoken with them in years. I know I have to go for him though. My feelings of anxiety can't overrule that. I owe it to him to go,

To say the good bye I never got a chance to say.

To apologize for leaving without explaining why. 

To let him know he meant something to me.

To say good bye for the final time. 

A positive reflection on 2015

    This had a lot downs, so I'm gonna talk about the good stuff here.
    My aunt flew me out to Vancouver for two weeks this summer, which was something I desperately needed. To see the mountains again, to be in them again, to see the ocean, to smell the salt and feel it on my skin. It was home. I felt at home. I got to hang out with my cousins that I hadn't seen in over a decade, and catch up with them on what how their lives have turned out. It was wonderful. Straight up. It was so needed. I felt recharged and energized. Leaving was hard. Everyone was in tears, not just me.
     I came out this year. To friends, to family, and publicly. And also to myself. This year has been a year of self-exploration and acceptance. I've accepted who I am, and have stepped up to publicly discuss it, and bring social awareness to it. I've put myself in the public eye to help people. Not to help myself (believe me, it has not helped me in any financial way), but to help others and to let those like me know they have support and love. Coming out was a frightening experience. It took a lot of thought and strength to do it. I am glad that I have. It's allowed to help more people, and to be more honest about myself and with myself.
      I started actually putting effort into my memoir. Like, actually time and planning into how the book will come out. And I've actively been shopping it, and myself, to agents and publishers. I've had some refusals, but I also got asked to join the writing team of Manitoba's largest LGBTQIA+ magazine, OutWords. That's one of my biggest personal accomplishments, and I am still freaking out about it. So much is riding on my first article, that I am in the process of writing. Literally a dream come true.
      Last, and most definitely not least, all of the people who have come into my life this year. This is easily the biggest and most important event (???) to transpire this year. I've met so many amazing people within the asexual community, and outside of it, who have encouraged me and supported me. Who have urged me on to do bigger and better things, and who have been beside me in my struggles and dark times. Each of you, and I'm debating naming you, are amazing people, and I am so blessed to have had you enter my life when you did. I kinda talked about you all in my Global Family post (http://zakitudeblogs.blogspot.ca/2015/12/global-family.html), but y'all are so awesome I gotta mention you again! Thank you for lighting up my year. Thank you for becoming family. And thank you for your love and support. I honestly love you guys, even when I don't say it.
     A nice quick run through of the major good stuff that happened this year! For some reason this took two days to write... I don't even know why.