I did it

     I sent my article in today. I feel... good. I think. I feel good about it. I've been focusing on it in all of my spare time lately, so I haven't had time to post here. I hope it was worth it. I think it was. I'm happy with the way it turned out. I  may have tweaked the conclusion a little more, but overall I feel good about it.
     I was so nervous about it this morning. I printed it off and went over it again and made a few last minute edits. My hands were shaking a little as I went to pick it up from the printer, and I just sat and stared at it for a while. The dreaded red pen, sitting menacingly beside the crisp white paper. My mind was racing, my pulse pounding. What if it was absolute shit? What if I used all the wrong pronouns? What if I messed up on everyone's names? What if, this is the big one, I found out I was a fraud? What if I was a terrible writer? Finally, I slowly picked up the pen and went to work.
    I only made a few changes. Took some phrases out, changed some sentence structure. Nothing earth shattering. I was alright. I saved it under a new name, and I sent it off.
    And now I'm just waiting to hear back, and that is a whole other story. 

Well, this has been a change

    I'm in the process of writing my first professional article right now. I've had stuff published in the past on smaller scales, but all that was stuff I had written for myself. This is the first time that a publication has given me a topic and a deadline. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time. If all of this goes well it literally means my dream of becoming a professional writer will come true!
    This is a new experience for me. I'm going out to find people to interview, and then I'm going to write an article based on their experiences. I'm expecting complete strangers to trust me with the intimate parts of their lives... I'm going out to talk to people with the express purpose of telling other their stories. Some of these people have hid their entire lives, but I'm asking them to trust me. It's mind-boggling. I've always wanted to do this, and I am so excited, but what if I'm not good enough for this? I'm trying to tell the world some important things! What if I falter? What if I don't do their stories justice? What if I fuck up?
    I know I'm a good writer, but I've never really had major things hanging off the results of my writing (university doesn't count). How this article is taken can literally affect my entire future, and where my life leads me.
    It's strange thinking about this. A month ago I was unemployed and completely lost in the seas of my life. Now I'm working at a film festival, and have a magazine wanting to publish my work. A year ago I thought I was going to stuck in my job at a High School. Life's crazy.
     I am so happy right now. I haven't been this happy with my life in a very long time, and I don't want to lose this feeling. That's another thing hanging in the balance.
    I know I can do this, I know I can. But this piece of writing has more riding on it than anything I have ever wrote before. Everything else has been for fun. Has been just because I wanted to write it. I've always had the hope that people will enjoy it, but this is so different.
    This year has thrown a lot of punches my way, especially October and November, but December switched that all up and started giving me opportunities. Started a new job, got a writing opportunity, and have made a bunch of new friends.
    Maybe things are getting better. They're really looking up right now anyways.



Being happy is nice. 

My Cat

     I'm going to start with saying that I am truly sorry for missing yesterday's blog post. I went my mom into the city for an appointment, and got back far too late for me to write a good post, and I didn't feel like copying and pasting another section of my memoir. That would've been cheating! Two days in a row!
     My mind is elsewhere right now. My fifteen year old cat isn't feeling too good right now, and with her advanced age, whenever she feels a little under the weather I worry in overdrive. Her health is dominating my thought process right now. She's very important to me. I've had her since I was ten, and she a few weeks old. She has been present for all of my major life events, and has been a constant source of comfort for me.
      I've always had cats in my life, but I've never had one in my life as long as Phantom.
      She came home on my school bus.
      Mom was my bus driver, and one of her favourite kids told her about all the kittens running around their farm. So we, being responsible kids needing to get home and do our homework, convinced Mom that we should stop and check out all the kittens. I didn't pick Phantom, she picked me. She climbed on the bus and decided to come home. And she's been with me ever since. She was the cat we brought down to the lake with us in the summer, the cat that most often slept in my bed. When I went to university, I had a picture of her on my desk (I also had pictures of my friends and family, calm down).
      Phantom is very important to me, and frankly I'm scared to lose her. I'm scared to face life without her. Just thinking about it makes me cry.
     I barely got any writing done today, my mind just couldn't stay focused. This small post has taken the better part of an hour, any serious thoughts of writing are inconceivable (that's the first time I've used that word. And yes, Inigo, I am using it properly).
     Anyways, hopefully I can get some serious writing done tomorrow. Hopefully Phantom is feeling 111% better.
   

     Oh! I have my first potential client for Zakitude Consulting! Got that email yesterday. That's exciting.