Omar Khadr and the current state of Canada

I've stayed out of politics for a while. It was honestly just too much, and I wanted to focus on myself for a while. However with the Canadian Government giving Omar Khadr a 10.5 million dollar settlement, I can't keep quiet anymore. I am disgusted with a lot surrounding this. Mainly how many right leaning people are reacting. There's a lot of hate and a lot of misinformation and misunderstandings. For those of you who don't know, Omar Khadr is a Canadian citizen whose father was associated with Al-Qaeda. He spent most of his childhood going back and forth between Canada and Pakistan. When he was 15, he was at the sight of a firefight between American forces and Taliban. It was believed that he was involved in the firefight and that he was directly responsible for killing an American soldier. There is no definitive proof that this happened--only that he was there, got wounded by shrapnel, and was shot in the back twice by American troops. He was treated for his injuries and taken to Guantanamo Bay. He was held there for ten years. During that time he was "questioned" (we all know how they questioned people there), and was told that if he confessed he would be allowed to serve his sentence in Canada. He pleaded guilty under duress. Later, the Supreme Court of Canada would rule that Omar's treatment in Guantanamo was a severe violation of his basic human rights. In 2012, he was brought back to Canada, where he served another three years in prison until he was released on bail. At that time, the ruling Conservative Party issued an appeal to the Supreme Court to revoke his bail. It was not until 2016, that the ruling Liberal Party dropped the appeal. With the fact that Omar was 15, and that his confession was obtained through immoral methods, the Liberal Party of Canada issued an apology, and gave a settlement of $10.5 million. It should be noted that this amount is half of what he had been after in his civil suit against the Canadian government.

Do I agree with Prime Minister Trudeau in this regard? Yes. Wholeheartedly. He was a kid, and he was tortured by both Canadian officials and American ones. There is video of one of his interrogations, and Guantanamo Bay officials have admitted to using sleep deprivation on him. Omar Khadr went through hell. And since his release on bail, he has been labelled a terrorist by the people of his country. Because Canada is his country. He was born here. He is as Canadian as I am. I for one stand with him. I stand with my Prime Minister. And I will definitely stand against the bullies who are trying to destroy this beautiful country.

I look around and I see all these people (white people, of course) getting upset at the strides the Liberal Government is making towards equality. I see all these people getting upset at the push towards a greener Canada. I see all these people getting upset at the push towards sustainability. And I don't get it. Do you not want equality? Are you all quietly racist and comfortable in your privilege? Do you want to destroy the environment? Do you not want future generations to have a good life? Are you that fucking selfish? The ignorance that flows from these people's mouths is astounding. Just open your eyes and put aside your selfishness for one second! Look at the suffering of those around you! Look passed your white walls and white communities and see the real world.

I have family that want the Conservative party to come back to power. The same party that tried to reverse same-sex marriage. The same party that got us involved in conflicts we didn't need to be a part of. The same party that lead to a financial crisis. The same party that wanted Canadians to report Muslims to the police. The same party that currently wants to emulate the Trump administration and run a government based off of fear. Right now our country is taking in the hurt and the disenfranchised, and the Conservatives want that to stop. They want to bring in Canada first policies. Policies that go against everything that it means to be Canadian. I remember what our country stands for, and I am proud of our current government for everything that it is doing to make Canada into the country the rest of the world thinks we are.

I believe in Canada. This loving and accepting Canada. Fuck those who want a whites first Canada. That's not us.

Disjointed masks

Being a writer is hard when you're scared to write. I mean, it's hard for a lot of reasons, but when you're too scared to even touch a keyboard, it's really hard. That's where I'm at right now. Most of me feels like I'm in a good place mentally, but whenever I go to write, I freeze. Maybe I'm not in as good of a place as I thought. Mostly I feel okay, but there have been a few moments where I've definitely been not okay.

(I've been staring at this for a good ten minutes now, with no clue of how to continue, and, really, no want to do so)

Fuck, maybe I'm not meant to do what I want to do. Maybe I'm not meant to be a writer. Maybe I'm just meant to be a failure, forever fucking up and hurting the ones I care about. Maybe I'm not meant to be me, even though I have no idea who that person could be. Fuck.

Maybe I'm just lost inside my own headspace. That's never a good place for me to visit alone; it always breaks me. Maybe it stems from always being told that I wasn't good enough. Always it would be: "That person did better than you. Why can't you do better?" "You're so lazy." "What's your problem?" "Why can't you be like them?". Because I'm not them. I'm barely me. Never good enough. I'm never good enough. To this day, I fight (and lose to) the demons inside of me, itching to feel some modicum of self-worth. Every time that I lose, I feel more and more worthless. Slowly, that feeling of worthlessness came to be my defining feature. I'm never good enough. Even in my own mind, I'm never good enough. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will crush my soul and break my spirit.

The broken person, especially the broken man, has become romanticized in our culture. The dark, brooding guy sitting in the corner nursing a drink. The sullen and silent man. Being 'broken' isn't something romantic. Trust me, it is super hard being romantic while you're second guessing every decision you've ever made, and low-key hating yourself for even trying to make a connection with another human. Hell, I second guess myself when I'm just talking to a friend about the fricking weather. Single file, people of all genders, and please stay calm while waiting your turn. I promise, I have enough insecurities and tears for all of you.

This is really disjointed. And this transitions? Heckin' terrible.

Who am I? They say that a person who has struggled with depression their entire lives (from childhood to present) can struggle with self-identity forever. It's hard to know who one is, when one changes on a regular basis. I wrote a poem once about all the masks I've worn, and how I have lost my true face in the dreck left behind. Maybe I threw that mask, my true face, out. Maybe I haven't gotten to it. Maybe I've never had it. Or maybe, and this is the scary one, maybe this mess of a fucked up human is my true face. How horrible would that be? I don't like this person very much. They're kinda terrible at...everything.

Well, this was much more depressing than I had planned. Guess that's what happens when you're scared to write. You start spouting truths that you don't wanna deal with.

I need a drink

Of water. It's super hot out.