not the hero

A few weeks ago a friend of mine told me that while they were getting a tattoo, they and their artist exchanged racist jokes about First Nations people. My friend, like myself, is white. When they told me this I was at a pretty low spot and I just wanted to talk to someone about my issues, so I was selfish and I didn't say anything. I let the racism slide, because I didn't want to deal with it, and to be blunt, it had nothing to do with me. I consider myself to be an activist regarding queer issues, and most other things, but that night I was tired, so I didn't do a damn thing.
When I told a mutual friend about that night, they got very upset with me for not saying anything. I made a lot of excuses for as to why I didn't say anything, but they all basically boiled down to: "I was tired and selfish." The mutual friend is First Nations and queer, they deal with way more than I do every single day. Every day is fight for them regarding every aspect of their being. For me? If I get too tired to fight, I can just stop and not worry because I look like a straight white male. And that night, I acted like one. I allowed my white privilege to take over my morals, simply because I was selfish.
And then I made excuses for my behaviour. Everyday that I don't get attacked for my race shows my privilege, and I grew complacent. I stopped caring about all the fights, and only focused on the ones that affect me. But that's not how activism works. I can't fight for equality and acceptance if I'm not fighting for true equality and acceptance for all. I can't fight for my equality if I'm leaving others behind.
I made a mistake that night, willfully, and through that I damaged a friendship that I cherish. On top of all of that, I never even told the person what was bothering me, so it was all for literally nothing.
Everyday is a fight for someone, so everyday I should be fighting.
As a white person, I must do better.
As a queer person, I must do better.
As a friend, I must do better.
Nothing I do can change the fact that I didn't say anything that night. All I can do is make sure that it does not happen again. 

Possible Triggers

                “Hey man.”

                “Hey.”

                “How’s it going?”

                “S’alright, yeah. You?”

                “Decent. You hear about Jenny?”

                “What? Jenny, isn’t she that girl we have calculus with?”

                “Yeah, Dave saw her making out with Denise. You know what that means!”

                “What are you talking about?”

                “Dude, there are lesbians. In our class. They’re gonna make out and shit and we can watch!”

                “That’s not how that works. Maybe you should just give them space. Obviously they don’t want people to know.”

                “Fuck that, what’s your problem? They’re hot. Don’t you want to watch?”

                “They’re people. It’s their life, they aren’t doing it for you to watch.”

                “Whatever, you gay or something? Maybe they’ll let me join in.”

                “I’m pretty sure they don’t want you to ‘join in’.”

                “Maybe not at first, but once I get started they’ll love it.”

                “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

                “What?”

                “Guy, that’s rape. You can’t do that.”

                “Jesus, man, they’re just some dykes. They don’t know what they’re missing. They’ll like it.”

                “No, that’s not allowed. That’s straight up rape man. You’re talking about raping two people!”

                “Chill out, it’s fine. God, people get so worked up these days. Can’t I just have some fun with these two? They’ll like it, all women like dick once they try it.”

                “Listen, you gotta shut up about this. You can’t say these things.”

                “Fuck off, pussy.”

                “Hey, Jenny? Do you have a sec?”

                “Um, hi, do I know you?”

                “Not really, we have calculus together. Listen, you know John?”

                “The football douche? No offense if he’s you’re friend.”

                “No, he’s a douche. His friend Dave saw you and Denise—“

                “What did he say? What do you want?”

                “No, it’s nothing like that. Not really. I just want to let you know. John’s gonna tell people. And…”

                “And what?”

                “He wants to sleep with you and Denise and it doesn’t matter to him if you guys say yes… He thinks all women are straight no matter what.”

                “Are…are you serious?”

                “Yeah.”

                “He told you that?”

                “Yeah. Called me gay when I told him that was wrong. Listen, I don’t know what you can do, but just be careful.”

                “Hey, thanks for letting me know.”

                “Yeah.”

                Things like this are a sad reality to those in the queer community. This specific kind of rape even has a name: corrective rape. It happens when straight people, men and women, rape a gay, bi, pan, ace, trans, person in the attempt to “show them the error in their ways”. Lesbians and asexual people are at a high risk for this. Lesbians because of how over-sexualized they are in media, and asexual people because of they are often viewed as prudish, religious, or broken. Many people think that if they have heterosexual sex with people, they will “fix” them and turn them straight.

                This mindset is brought on by religion, society, and the media. Everywhere one looks, straight couples are shown as the normal, as the correct thing. It is with this environment that corrective rape came to being. This is why queer people call out for better representation in the media. This is why it is important for corporations to listen. And yet straight people will get upset. “They can’t be gay”, “Dude, they’re straight. Not everyone is gay”. That’s the problem. No one is gay in the media. Star Wars is thinking of adding its first gay character, and people are outraged. Why? The franchise is about space wizards with laser swords. Why the fuck can’t some of them be gay? This past year, the CW had several gay, lesbian, and bi characters. They killed off all the lesbians. Why? The death of other characters would’ve been just as shocking and impactful. But the lesbians aren’t as important as the straight characters. They’re seen as lesser. And with this attitude, corrective rape grows. Every time queer characters are treated as novelties, it dehumanizes them. And whenever something is dehumanized in the media, it leaks into real life. Look at war time propaganda, the Japanese were shown as soulless monsters who wanted to eat children, and that racism has held over. It wasn’t true, it was just propaganda. That’s today’s media though, everything has a message and a hidden meaning. Everything we watch is pushing something or someone. As we move closer to true equality, our media poisons that idea in secret.

                The sad thing is, allies get drawn into this trap as well. They support the queer community, but heaven forbid that they’re favourite characters come out as gay. Heaven forbid someone ships two male characters together.

                When only straight is seen as right and correct, corrective rape grows. That is why hate crimes against the queer community rarely get punished. That is why so many people still think it’s okay to use gay as an insult. That’s why it’s still okay to mock other genders and insult people by calling them another gender. Because we’ve been dehumanized for so long, we’ve become passive towards it. We begin to think that maybe we are overreacting, and we allow the thoughts to grow and fester until it overwhelms us. Even members of the queer community take part in the dehumanization. From telling certain groups that they aren’t gay enough to be a part, to outright saying some members don’t exist.

                Until we stand together as one community—a community with many parts yes, but working together!—, we won’t be able to achieve our goals of acceptance and equality. For if we do not treat each other with equality and acceptance, why would the rest of the world?   

Hypocrisy

                It’s easy to say you stand up for certain things until faced with a situation where it becomes uncomfortable for you. Things like marriage equality and equal rights. It’s easy to say that you stand up for transgender people, so long as you never actually have to. It’s amazing how fast people can change. How one slip can show true colours. How even the smallest hint of something that’s different from them can cause people to act out.

                I’m not straight. Many of my friends are, especially the male ones—actually all the males are straight, and all but one of the females are not. They’re all very supportive of my life, but in subtle ways they, the males, show that they don’t think of it as being important, or demean it to some lesser thing. Whenever I have a post that gets a ton of attention, they shrug it away as just being about queer stuff, like that’s less important. And some of them will get visibly uncomfortable at the mere thought of gay guys. Heaven forbid two fictional males with great chemistry be more than friends. They have to be straight! Or else it’s just so very wrong.  

                People will always support things until it becomes an inconvenience to them.

                When I was a child, my uncle always said he was a big supporter of equal rights. “People are people!” He would say, as I sat on the deck with him, playing with toy trucks. “Everybody deserves an equal shot!” He would say, as we watched baseball on TV. Then people began getting equal rights, and his office building began to become more diverse. “Gotta be careful with these people; never know where they’re coming from.” He’d say, as we drove to the park. “Gonna be out of this job soon, they keep hiring more of those people,” he’d say, as he took a pull from the bottle.

                When I was a teen, my friends would say that marriage equality was wrong, and a sin against God, as they went out and drank every weekend. “Those gay people are sexual deviants. God doesn’t like when people do that,” they’d say before committing adultery. “God says we have to love everyone, so that’s what I do!” They’d say before slandering and condemning people who were different from them.

                Hypocrisy always has a hold on the world. Hypocrisy always holds people’s hearts.

                As young adult, my friends will celebrate the victories of the queer community and pretend that they can relate. They will cheer for equality, yet complain when fictional characters come out. So many accept lesbians with open arms, but the thought of two men together disgusts them. They want the refugees to come, so long as they don’t come to their towns. They want religious equality, so long as no one opens a temple in their town. They want an end to violence, yet hold tight to their guns.

                Hypocrisy runs the world. Hypocrisy runs their souls.

                Standing up is so easy, when all it takes is a single word. Standing up is hard when it actually takes time and effort. Standing up for something becomes a chore if it changes things. Standing up is hard when you actually need to accept people and change your own inner thoughts.

                People always say they’ll make a stand for things, people will always cry support, but they shy away when the time comes to actually act. Saying that you stand for something when you don’t truly doesn’t help, it makes things worse. Speaking out without action doesn’t help, it hinders.

                So many hypocrites. So many falsehoods. If you say that you’re going to take a stand, damn well take it.  

The Inherent Need for Feminism

       Yesterday's post was heavy, right? Hard stuff. Strong words. I probably said a bunch of things that made a bunch of people upset. I'd apologize, but the people I upset are most likely the ones I was speaking out against, so what's the point? I love my country. I love what my country stands for. And I believe that the people in it can be and will be better. That said, let's talk about another big issue: feminism.
       I have said in previous posts that I am a feminist, and I stand by that statement. I am 100% a feminist. I believe it is something that the world sorely needs. That being said, there are a lot of people these days speaking out against it saying that egalitarianism is the better option. But by shutting down feminism and saying something else is better, aren't you really proving that feminism is still something that is needed? Telling women that their fight for equality is wrong and that they should be fighting for egalitarianism seems a little hypocritical. Egalitarianism, for those who don't know, is the idea that all peoples should be equal. Kinda seems like feminism is one of those steps towards an egalitarian society. Yet tons of self-proclaimed egalitarians are shutting feminists down, which is exactly why I still label myself as a feminist. I want a society where everyone is truly equal, and I believe feminism is one of the steps towards achieving that. From what I have experienced, most egalitarians are using their beliefs to tell women that they don't have it that bad in comparison to some other people so they should just quit their bitchin'. Intentional word choice is super intentional. The thing is, feminists are fighting towards equal rights for everyone, where it seems that egalitarians (the ones that I have met mostly white males from North America (I know personal experiences are anecdotal at best, but it's all I have)) are basically just saying everyone has it bad, so what does it matter? I am a white male-type person, I know that I have it easier than other people. I've seen it first hand, and it bothers me!
        It truly baffles me how people claiming to want equal rights for everyone can hate on a group that is also fighting for equal rights! I had a person try to mansplain egalitarianism to me in a truly demeaning way that was supposed to question my intelligence! There was one problem (there were a bunch, but), he misspelled egalitarianism every time he said it. Worse, it was a different mistake every time. Suffice to say, my intelligence was not greatly shaken.
        I say this again and again, but the fact that so many people take offense to, and argue against, feminism shows exactly why we still need it. People decry it and say that the information being put forward is false. I am unashamedly a feminist, not an egalitarian. I want equal rights for all people. I want people to paid the same as each other for the same job and experience. I want people to be treated the same while on the job, be they male or female! Feminism is the first of many steps before true equality. Egalitarianism is trying to fight an entire war at once instead of one battle at a time. Feminism is one battle. If we focus on one battle we can win. If we focus on the entire war and not the individual battles we will lose. We can only fight on so many fronts at once.  

International Women's Day

        Today is International Women's Day. The one day a year that we lift up and celebrate women while poor, fragile male egos bitch and complain about how life isn't fair. Personally, I think this is a wonderful day. I love having a specific day when I can celebrate all of the wonderful women in my life at the same time. A day when doing so is encouraged! Obviously, we should be uplifting and celebrating women every day, but today gives us a stage upon which to do so.
        Strong women have shaped my life. They have directed the flow of how I developed and maturated. As I've grown older I have found that I relate much stronger to women than men, and I am infinitely more comfortable in their company. Moving to Saskatchewan my first friend was a girl in my class, my very first friend in life was the neighbour girl (wrote on extensively here). Of course I have had, and continue to have strong male relationships, but they aren't the same. I'm reluctant to share personal things with them, and it takes far longer for me to open up and trust males than females. Looking at my life right now, of the people I consider to be close/best friends at least 80% are female.
         Growing up (and currently) I loved Star Trek. Captain Kirk was my hero. A swashbuckling, intelligent, space adventurer who saved the galaxy and looked good doing it. Then there are characters like Aragorn, Jon Snow, Kvothe, Belgarion, Paul Atreides, Captain America, and countless other fictional heroes that I looked up to and wanted to become. Video games have given me the opportunity to become those people! Yet, no matter what, in games with character customization I play as a female character so that I can relate to the story more. The Mass Effect series provided me with the perfect opportunity to become Captain Kirk, yet out of the countless (literally, I have no idea how many times I have played the series) times I've played, only once has been as a male Shepherd, and I forced myself to do it because NPCs reacted differently and I wanted to experience it for myself. Whenever people would ask me why, I would always just say it was because I enjoyed stories with strong female protagonists. I didn't know how to tell the people asking that it was because I could relate with females better. I still don't really. I don't know if I could have this conversation face to face.
          In high school, my male peers would often complain about how they just couldn't understand how women think, or why they would do things a certain way. I never had that problem. I could understand, I could relate. I was on this weird fence where I could understand why the guys were doing things one way and why the girls were doing it another. What confused me was that no one else could see it.
          Okay. I have gone way off topic. Kinda. What I want to say is this: Happy International Women's Day! I hope each and every one of you get the wonderful day you all deserve! And that you get those days tomorrow and the days after that. Women should be celebrated and uplifted every single day. But I'm glad that I get today to thank all of you! And to all of the women in my life, each and every one of you is smart, amazing, and beautiful. I love each and every single one of you!    

I am a feminist

    Remember when I said that my next blog was going to be an important one, then I didn't even write one? And when I did, it was just an apology? No? None of you remember that? Thank goodness.
     Well, the time has come. This is it. The foretold important one. Usually when I do this, I say something really lame and unimportant after it... maybe I shouldn't be building this up so much.
     I am a feminist. I believe that all humans, man, woman, and everyone else (myself being part of the else, calm down) deserve to and should be treated with equality. I realize that I appear very masculine, and I know I may draw a lot of flak for that reason by talking about this, but it's a chance I'm willing to take.
     Feminism is an important topic and issue, that everyone should be talking about. That being said, it is beyond ridiculous that it is still an issue! As Prime Minister Trudeau said when asked why his cabinet was equal, it's 2015. We shouldn't be worried that people are being paid less just because of their gender, we shouldn't be worried that there's a second class of citizen because of their gender. We live in a civilized world where we can watch our favourite teen dramas online whenever we want, but we can't have equality? Instead we have people arguing that feminism is stupid, that the facts behind inequality are wrong, and we have rampant sexism "mansplaining" things to us lower beings who believe it!
     The mansplainers don't just target women either, they go after the male feminists too! It's like they can't believe that a man could want equality! It's happened to me! I used to think mansplaining was one of those things that happened to other people but would never happen to me. Boy, was I wrong.
     I'm off topic.
     I felt that it was important that I come out as feminist. I'm pretty sure no one thought that I wasn't, but it's much better to actually just straight up say that I am.
    I believe, possibly controversially, that it is very important for males who believe in equality to label themselves as feminist. If we could have every person who believes in equality stand up and declare themselves a feminist, what are the mansplainers going to do? Mansplain to all of us why we're wrong? Actually, they probably would take the time and at least attempt to do just that...
     Equality shouldn't be something that we need to fight for. It's something that should be automatic. More and more people are coming to realize this, but the people against it (wtf people?) are getting more and more vocal. I know there are a lot of males out there who support the movement, but won't come out in vocal support in fear of their peers calling them names and personally attacking them! That's what the enemies of feminism have in their arsenal: name calling. That's extent of their armoury. And they think they have a point! They don't see how backward and damaging their thinking is to the world. The sad thing is, these are the people who are super vocal about the "evils of Islam", and as more ignorant people agree with them on that, they'll start agreeing that feminism is wrong too! They'll start using terms like "feminazi" whenever a woman speaks out, they'll start making the sexist jokes that they've always secretly believed, and we will stay exactly where we are.
     I am feminist. I believe in equality for the entire human race. I've spoken out against racists and Islamophobes, but I haven't publicly spoken out against sexism, and by not doing that I'm enabling them. I don't want to enable them. They are wrong. They need to spoken against. I need to be more outspoken in my stance on feminism. My support needs to be more visible.
      Feminism isn't some evil plot by women to take over the world. It's a fight against an outdated, sexist, racist, and xenophobic system that needs to be torn down. The fact that people take offence to term, shows exactly how much it is still needed in our world.
     I am a feminist. I hope you are too.