not the hero

A few weeks ago a friend of mine told me that while they were getting a tattoo, they and their artist exchanged racist jokes about First Nations people. My friend, like myself, is white. When they told me this I was at a pretty low spot and I just wanted to talk to someone about my issues, so I was selfish and I didn't say anything. I let the racism slide, because I didn't want to deal with it, and to be blunt, it had nothing to do with me. I consider myself to be an activist regarding queer issues, and most other things, but that night I was tired, so I didn't do a damn thing.
When I told a mutual friend about that night, they got very upset with me for not saying anything. I made a lot of excuses for as to why I didn't say anything, but they all basically boiled down to: "I was tired and selfish." The mutual friend is First Nations and queer, they deal with way more than I do every single day. Every day is fight for them regarding every aspect of their being. For me? If I get too tired to fight, I can just stop and not worry because I look like a straight white male. And that night, I acted like one. I allowed my white privilege to take over my morals, simply because I was selfish.
And then I made excuses for my behaviour. Everyday that I don't get attacked for my race shows my privilege, and I grew complacent. I stopped caring about all the fights, and only focused on the ones that affect me. But that's not how activism works. I can't fight for equality and acceptance if I'm not fighting for true equality and acceptance for all. I can't fight for my equality if I'm leaving others behind.
I made a mistake that night, willfully, and through that I damaged a friendship that I cherish. On top of all of that, I never even told the person what was bothering me, so it was all for literally nothing.
Everyday is a fight for someone, so everyday I should be fighting.
As a white person, I must do better.
As a queer person, I must do better.
As a friend, I must do better.
Nothing I do can change the fact that I didn't say anything that night. All I can do is make sure that it does not happen again. 

Possible Triggers

                “Hey man.”

                “Hey.”

                “How’s it going?”

                “S’alright, yeah. You?”

                “Decent. You hear about Jenny?”

                “What? Jenny, isn’t she that girl we have calculus with?”

                “Yeah, Dave saw her making out with Denise. You know what that means!”

                “What are you talking about?”

                “Dude, there are lesbians. In our class. They’re gonna make out and shit and we can watch!”

                “That’s not how that works. Maybe you should just give them space. Obviously they don’t want people to know.”

                “Fuck that, what’s your problem? They’re hot. Don’t you want to watch?”

                “They’re people. It’s their life, they aren’t doing it for you to watch.”

                “Whatever, you gay or something? Maybe they’ll let me join in.”

                “I’m pretty sure they don’t want you to ‘join in’.”

                “Maybe not at first, but once I get started they’ll love it.”

                “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

                “What?”

                “Guy, that’s rape. You can’t do that.”

                “Jesus, man, they’re just some dykes. They don’t know what they’re missing. They’ll like it.”

                “No, that’s not allowed. That’s straight up rape man. You’re talking about raping two people!”

                “Chill out, it’s fine. God, people get so worked up these days. Can’t I just have some fun with these two? They’ll like it, all women like dick once they try it.”

                “Listen, you gotta shut up about this. You can’t say these things.”

                “Fuck off, pussy.”

                “Hey, Jenny? Do you have a sec?”

                “Um, hi, do I know you?”

                “Not really, we have calculus together. Listen, you know John?”

                “The football douche? No offense if he’s you’re friend.”

                “No, he’s a douche. His friend Dave saw you and Denise—“

                “What did he say? What do you want?”

                “No, it’s nothing like that. Not really. I just want to let you know. John’s gonna tell people. And…”

                “And what?”

                “He wants to sleep with you and Denise and it doesn’t matter to him if you guys say yes… He thinks all women are straight no matter what.”

                “Are…are you serious?”

                “Yeah.”

                “He told you that?”

                “Yeah. Called me gay when I told him that was wrong. Listen, I don’t know what you can do, but just be careful.”

                “Hey, thanks for letting me know.”

                “Yeah.”

                Things like this are a sad reality to those in the queer community. This specific kind of rape even has a name: corrective rape. It happens when straight people, men and women, rape a gay, bi, pan, ace, trans, person in the attempt to “show them the error in their ways”. Lesbians and asexual people are at a high risk for this. Lesbians because of how over-sexualized they are in media, and asexual people because of they are often viewed as prudish, religious, or broken. Many people think that if they have heterosexual sex with people, they will “fix” them and turn them straight.

                This mindset is brought on by religion, society, and the media. Everywhere one looks, straight couples are shown as the normal, as the correct thing. It is with this environment that corrective rape came to being. This is why queer people call out for better representation in the media. This is why it is important for corporations to listen. And yet straight people will get upset. “They can’t be gay”, “Dude, they’re straight. Not everyone is gay”. That’s the problem. No one is gay in the media. Star Wars is thinking of adding its first gay character, and people are outraged. Why? The franchise is about space wizards with laser swords. Why the fuck can’t some of them be gay? This past year, the CW had several gay, lesbian, and bi characters. They killed off all the lesbians. Why? The death of other characters would’ve been just as shocking and impactful. But the lesbians aren’t as important as the straight characters. They’re seen as lesser. And with this attitude, corrective rape grows. Every time queer characters are treated as novelties, it dehumanizes them. And whenever something is dehumanized in the media, it leaks into real life. Look at war time propaganda, the Japanese were shown as soulless monsters who wanted to eat children, and that racism has held over. It wasn’t true, it was just propaganda. That’s today’s media though, everything has a message and a hidden meaning. Everything we watch is pushing something or someone. As we move closer to true equality, our media poisons that idea in secret.

                The sad thing is, allies get drawn into this trap as well. They support the queer community, but heaven forbid that they’re favourite characters come out as gay. Heaven forbid someone ships two male characters together.

                When only straight is seen as right and correct, corrective rape grows. That is why hate crimes against the queer community rarely get punished. That is why so many people still think it’s okay to use gay as an insult. That’s why it’s still okay to mock other genders and insult people by calling them another gender. Because we’ve been dehumanized for so long, we’ve become passive towards it. We begin to think that maybe we are overreacting, and we allow the thoughts to grow and fester until it overwhelms us. Even members of the queer community take part in the dehumanization. From telling certain groups that they aren’t gay enough to be a part, to outright saying some members don’t exist.

                Until we stand together as one community—a community with many parts yes, but working together!—, we won’t be able to achieve our goals of acceptance and equality. For if we do not treat each other with equality and acceptance, why would the rest of the world?