state of hate

     While writing these blogs, a lot goes through my head. I wonder if people are actually going to read them, I wonder if people are going to send me mean messages, I wonder if I'm actually writing because I want to or out of obligation. To be honest, right now feels like I'm doing it out of obligation. I'm trying to keep myself occupied. Trying to keep my brain distracted.
      Lets talk about mean comments. I am in the process of creating an online persona. A known one. I have videos that have a fair amount of views, and I have videos with almost zero views. Same with my blog posts and all my other social media. I don't have a massive following yet. I haven't attracted the ire of the biggest assholes on the internet yet. But I'm getting big enough for the little trolls, the troll-lings (trollings?), to take notice of me. Every time I post something that has an activist angle I know I'm putting myself in someone's crosshairs. The internet can be a scary and dark place, I know all that.
      I have received a fair amount of hate online. I've been called a "liberal pussy", a coward, a traitor, an idiot, and worse for my support of the Syrian refugees. And I was called some of those things by close family friends. Honestly, the one that hurt the most was being called a traitor to Canada, simply because I wanted to help people. Which, btw, is what Canada is known for! I endured a lot of hate for supporting the refugees, but I would gladly do all of that again. That hate wasn't random. It was directed at me because I disagreed with some people on some moral issues. I've been called slurs for supporting LGBTQIA+ issues multiple times. Fun story, an American tried insulting my intelligence based on the fact that Canadians call refrigerators, fridge for short (which if you do a google search, most of the world does). Apparently in this person's state they call them "friges", which Google tells me isn't an actual word at all, and therefore that should be the proper term for the entire planet.
      Then the random hate started coming in. The hate that didn't make sense. I started getting hateful comments on my normal vlogs. I was being called homophobic slurs (I'm not gay, I'm not straight, but I'm not gay) on vlogs that were about me driving home, or going to buy milk. I found them odd and random, and would just delete them, I didn't bother reporting them to YouTube, they weren't hurting me and they weren't from the same people. But all of a sudden the hateful messages were coming from the same person. They weren't constant or consistent, so I just deleted them as usual. And then I got this one yesterday; warning, the language is horrifying: "kill yourself faggot nigger bitch". To say I was surprised by this comment is an understatement. It was on yesterday's vlog, the first one since Phantom passed away, it was sort of short, but there wasn't really any substance to it. The only point to this comment was to cause pain. I was shocked by the comment, I wasn't really hurt by it, but I was shocked that someone was telling me to go and kill myself. That was the first comment that I reported to YouTube, and this person is the first person I've blocked from commenting. I made light of the comment on Twitter, but I shouldn't have. Words like that can have a massive impact on someone's life. Where I am right now in my life, one person saying that to me didn't really have a quantifiable effect on me. If there had been a whole host of people, that would be a different story.
      I know people that have quit creating because of internet trolls. I know people who have locked themselves up because of internet trolls. I know people who have lost loved ones because of it. We have this amazing place, the internet, where we can uplift people and inspire others, but so many people use it for bad--no, evil, purposes. I always try and believe in humanity. I always say that humanity can be better, and I still do. But there are days where my belief is tested, and there are days when I don't know why I hold onto it. I hear people saying that the Earth is due for another flood (biblically speaking), and some days I have a hard time disagreeing.
       Humanity, what a bunch of assholes










sometimes.  

A Better Tomorrow

      I had a discussion recently about whether or not humanity can better itself, or if it's destined to burn in the fires of its own making. Scientifically speaking, the Earth will burn up with the death of our star, but that's not for five billion+ years. Humanity seems to be in a pretty bad place right now: civil wars, riots, race crimes, terrorism, Donald Drumpf. Just watching an hour of news can be enough to crush the human spirit and believe that we, as a species, are doomed. The news always focuses on the negative though, there are positives out there! Humanity is slowly making things better. The key word there is "slowly"! A lot of people can't see that because we like our changes to be instant and flashy! Not slow and methodical.
       Equal Rights activists scored a major victory this past year with marriage equality becoming federal law in the States. Canada is becoming the beacon of peace and unity that it is known for again with the election of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The Human Rights crisis that are the Syrian refugees are being taken in and accepted by countries all over the world, in spite of the fear and hate mongering of ignorant people. Governments all over the globe are coming together to fight climate change. The word of scientists is becoming stronger than the words of corporations. China is becoming more open to western culture. Michael Bay has said the next Transformers will be his last one as director. The world is looking up. Humanity is well on its way to bettering itself.
       My generation, the often made fun of millennials, are actively trying to make the world a better place! Every day, people from my generation, people who are called lazy and entitled by previous generations, are going out and putting their lives on the line for those less fortunate. Every day millennials are going to other countries to do charity work, to build schools, to dig wells, to do whatever they can to help. We are actively trying to fix the previous generations mistakes. We are marching in the streets to support causes as diverse as #BlackLivesMatter to marriage equality. We are marching in the streets to show support for the common people. We, as a generation, are more accepting of others than previous generations, and if this positive trend continues, if we instill our beliefs and morals into the next generation, step by step the world will become a better place.
        For every story the news shows of a small group defacing a mosque or attacking someone for being different, there are dozens of unreported stories of the people that come and help. Of the people who are showing love. There's a military town in Alberta where a mosque was defaced. The windows broken, and the words "Go home" spray painted multiple times on the building. Two men were responsible for that act of hate. The majority of the community, including military personnel, showed up to help repair the broken windows and clean off the vandalism. People, throughout the day, stopped by the mosque with homemade posters saying "You are home" and messages of love and acceptance. The evil people in this world are outnumbered by the good. The world is becoming a more accepting and loving place. Change is a slow process, it always has been. It took 12 million years for the Grand Canyon to form, we can't expect the change in humanity to happen over night.
        I am sticking with this fight. I believe in the inherent goodness of humankind. I can't let the evil win. I cannot stand by as people get hurt by hate. Because love will always defeat hate in the end. This isn't a pointless fight. Humanity is not doomed to destroy itself. Nothing is predestined in life. To everyone reading this, if you are sitting silent in this fight, stand up and let your voice be heard! Do not remain apathetic when the very future of our species in on the line. Stand up and fight for humanity. Fight for the change you want to see. The change will happen. It takes time. But it will happen, so stand up and be a part of it. Lend your voice, lend your strength and courage, and be a part of this. No matter how alone you feel when you stand for a cause, know that you are not alone. Every movement, every change, starts with one person, one voice. Once people hear that voice, many more will stand up.
       I'm standing up, I'm fighting for a better tomorrow, for equality for all humanity. Are you going to join me? 

Blips on a Radar

      Life is a series of blips. Stick with me here. Have you ever watched a radar before? It's a lot of emptiness broken by the occasional blip.

this kind of radar

not this Radar

What I mean by this isn't something negative or pessimistic, I tend to think of myself as an optimist first and foremost, I simply mean that expecting life to be non-stop happenings (adventure) is misguided, and very unlikely to happen. Life is a lot of empty space (normal days) with the occasional blip (exciting event) to break up the emptiness (uniformity) of existence.

      Again, this isn't something negative! It's just an observation. I know a lot of people who get worried, myself included, that they don't do enough exciting things! That their life is just simply average, and not the adventurous lives that they see played out on television! I do that too. I look at TV shows, and films, and books, and I am envious of the lives my favourite characters live! I wish that I could be the swashbuckling hero, or the brilliant scientist that somehow has both an amazing social life and is respected by their peers! Instead, I have the life that I live, and I get disappointed in it. I shouldn't be. My life's alright. I have a roof over my head, I have a job, I'm writing and getting paid for it, I have people who love me. And yet whenever I compare myself to fiction I get disappointed. As do a lot of people. Apparently human nature involves forgetting that fiction is fake! Fiction is not there to show us realistic and reasonable goals! No no! It is there for an escape only! To make us forget about how horrible ordinary real life actually is! 

      It is for those blips on the radar, that  we suffer through the emptiness. If everyday were full of blips, we would yearn for the emptiness. Because if everyday were an adventure, then adventures would become the normal. They would become the emptiness. 

      That's the true flaw of humanity: the miraculous becomes boring if we see it too often.