While writing these blogs, a lot goes through my head. I wonder if people are actually going to read them, I wonder if people are going to send me mean messages, I wonder if I'm actually writing because I want to or out of obligation. To be honest, right now feels like I'm doing it out of obligation. I'm trying to keep myself occupied. Trying to keep my brain distracted.
Lets talk about mean comments. I am in the process of creating an online persona. A known one. I have videos that have a fair amount of views, and I have videos with almost zero views. Same with my blog posts and all my other social media. I don't have a massive following yet. I haven't attracted the ire of the biggest assholes on the internet yet. But I'm getting big enough for the little trolls, the troll-lings (trollings?), to take notice of me. Every time I post something that has an activist angle I know I'm putting myself in someone's crosshairs. The internet can be a scary and dark place, I know all that.
I have received a fair amount of hate online. I've been called a "liberal pussy", a coward, a traitor, an idiot, and worse for my support of the Syrian refugees. And I was called some of those things by close family friends. Honestly, the one that hurt the most was being called a traitor to Canada, simply because I wanted to help people. Which, btw, is what Canada is known for! I endured a lot of hate for supporting the refugees, but I would gladly do all of that again. That hate wasn't random. It was directed at me because I disagreed with some people on some moral issues. I've been called slurs for supporting LGBTQIA+ issues multiple times. Fun story, an American tried insulting my intelligence based on the fact that Canadians call refrigerators, fridge for short (which if you do a google search, most of the world does). Apparently in this person's state they call them "friges", which Google tells me isn't an actual word at all, and therefore that should be the proper term for the entire planet.
Then the random hate started coming in. The hate that didn't make sense. I started getting hateful comments on my normal vlogs. I was being called homophobic slurs (I'm not gay, I'm not straight, but I'm not gay) on vlogs that were about me driving home, or going to buy milk. I found them odd and random, and would just delete them, I didn't bother reporting them to YouTube, they weren't hurting me and they weren't from the same people. But all of a sudden the hateful messages were coming from the same person. They weren't constant or consistent, so I just deleted them as usual. And then I got this one yesterday; warning, the language is horrifying: "kill yourself faggot nigger bitch". To say I was surprised by this comment is an understatement. It was on yesterday's vlog, the first one since Phantom passed away, it was sort of short, but there wasn't really any substance to it. The only point to this comment was to cause pain. I was shocked by the comment, I wasn't really hurt by it, but I was shocked that someone was telling me to go and kill myself. That was the first comment that I reported to YouTube, and this person is the first person I've blocked from commenting. I made light of the comment on Twitter, but I shouldn't have. Words like that can have a massive impact on someone's life. Where I am right now in my life, one person saying that to me didn't really have a quantifiable effect on me. If there had been a whole host of people, that would be a different story.
I know people that have quit creating because of internet trolls. I know people who have locked themselves up because of internet trolls. I know people who have lost loved ones because of it. We have this amazing place, the internet, where we can uplift people and inspire others, but so many people use it for bad--no, evil, purposes. I always try and believe in humanity. I always say that humanity can be better, and I still do. But there are days where my belief is tested, and there are days when I don't know why I hold onto it. I hear people saying that the Earth is due for another flood (biblically speaking), and some days I have a hard time disagreeing.
Humanity, what a bunch of assholes
sometimes.
Lets talk about mean comments. I am in the process of creating an online persona. A known one. I have videos that have a fair amount of views, and I have videos with almost zero views. Same with my blog posts and all my other social media. I don't have a massive following yet. I haven't attracted the ire of the biggest assholes on the internet yet. But I'm getting big enough for the little trolls, the troll-lings (trollings?), to take notice of me. Every time I post something that has an activist angle I know I'm putting myself in someone's crosshairs. The internet can be a scary and dark place, I know all that.
I have received a fair amount of hate online. I've been called a "liberal pussy", a coward, a traitor, an idiot, and worse for my support of the Syrian refugees. And I was called some of those things by close family friends. Honestly, the one that hurt the most was being called a traitor to Canada, simply because I wanted to help people. Which, btw, is what Canada is known for! I endured a lot of hate for supporting the refugees, but I would gladly do all of that again. That hate wasn't random. It was directed at me because I disagreed with some people on some moral issues. I've been called slurs for supporting LGBTQIA+ issues multiple times. Fun story, an American tried insulting my intelligence based on the fact that Canadians call refrigerators, fridge for short (which if you do a google search, most of the world does). Apparently in this person's state they call them "friges", which Google tells me isn't an actual word at all, and therefore that should be the proper term for the entire planet.
Then the random hate started coming in. The hate that didn't make sense. I started getting hateful comments on my normal vlogs. I was being called homophobic slurs (I'm not gay, I'm not straight, but I'm not gay) on vlogs that were about me driving home, or going to buy milk. I found them odd and random, and would just delete them, I didn't bother reporting them to YouTube, they weren't hurting me and they weren't from the same people. But all of a sudden the hateful messages were coming from the same person. They weren't constant or consistent, so I just deleted them as usual. And then I got this one yesterday; warning, the language is horrifying: "kill yourself faggot nigger bitch". To say I was surprised by this comment is an understatement. It was on yesterday's vlog, the first one since Phantom passed away, it was sort of short, but there wasn't really any substance to it. The only point to this comment was to cause pain. I was shocked by the comment, I wasn't really hurt by it, but I was shocked that someone was telling me to go and kill myself. That was the first comment that I reported to YouTube, and this person is the first person I've blocked from commenting. I made light of the comment on Twitter, but I shouldn't have. Words like that can have a massive impact on someone's life. Where I am right now in my life, one person saying that to me didn't really have a quantifiable effect on me. If there had been a whole host of people, that would be a different story.
I know people that have quit creating because of internet trolls. I know people who have locked themselves up because of internet trolls. I know people who have lost loved ones because of it. We have this amazing place, the internet, where we can uplift people and inspire others, but so many people use it for bad--no, evil, purposes. I always try and believe in humanity. I always say that humanity can be better, and I still do. But there are days where my belief is tested, and there are days when I don't know why I hold onto it. I hear people saying that the Earth is due for another flood (biblically speaking), and some days I have a hard time disagreeing.
Humanity, what a bunch of assholes
sometimes.
No comments:
Post a Comment