Let's talk about coming out. I'm not telling you my coming out story again, I mean let's talk about the emotions and reservations, and fears and hopes that people have with their coming out. Because there is a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes with coming out. There's a lot that doesn't necessarily get talked about. So, let's talk about it.
Coming out is an emotional experience, no matter how it is received by the people around you. If the reaction is positive, you're on cloud nine! You're feeling the love that is surrounding you, and you're getting beautiful messages of support. If the reaction is negative, the feelings become mixed. You're feeling free because you get to be yourself now! but at the same time, you're wondering if you should've waited because now people aren't talking to you, your family could hate you now, and you could be genuinely frightened for your life. All those negative feelings are magnified if you come out as a teen. You've got your classmates to worry about, teachers to worry about, family, friends, society. And if you live in certain parts of the world, families are legally allowed to disown you, forcing you onto the street. There is a frightening statistic out of the States, that 25% of homeless youth there are queer, and the majority of that 25% are homeless because they came out to their parents/guardians and got kicked out.
As a queer person, thinking about coming out, you know all the horror stories. You have friends who came out to a negative response. You know the numbers of queer people with depression and suicidal thoughts. You know the community faces persecution from almost all sectors of society. You know that the persecution doesn't just come from religious fundamentalists, but that it can come from everyone no matter what they believe. And you know that no matter what country you live in, you can face hatred and violence for just being the person you were born as.
So why come out? What makes the risks worth it?
The freedom. As a queer person, we've learned to lie to everyone around us. We've learned to hide our true nature. We wear so many different masks on a given day, that we can lose ourselves, and we do this just to stay safe. Coming out allows us to take these masks off. It allows us to be ourselves all of the time, instead of just in our homes and with close friends. We look at all of the risks, we know that they could happen to us, but we know what we get when we finally come out: freedom to be true to ourselves. Groups throughout history have fought for freedom time and time again. People have sacrificed their lives for freedom. People willingly die for a chance to be free. And that's why we come out, even in the face of hardship, pain, banishment, and death. We come out for freedom.
Even with knowing why we're doing it, it's still a scary thing. It can take days to build up the courage to tell that first person, even after deciding that it is time. For me, I told people through text because I was too scared to come out in person in case the person reacted negatively. I talk about it in my vlogs a lot, but again that's not really in person. I can't have a conversation about it in real time. I'm in this weird limbo with my coming out, I'm out in the most public way possible (hello YouTube and blogs), yet I have no idea if the people I see everyday have any idea that I'm not straight. So I'm out, openly, but do people actually know? Because of this ambiguity I'm still living like I'm half in the closet. I'm out, but. I've got my freedom, but. I still get uncomfortable speaking to people face to face about it, because with each new person the fears become fresh and relevant again.
Coming out is a daunting prospect, and it's something that we shouldn't really need to worry about anymore, but it seems like it's becoming something that we need to worry more and more about with each passing year. I mean, North Carolina just passed possibly the most homophobic and transphobic law in modern times! And NC is in the country that literally prides itself on freedom! Instead of being something that you can feel comfortable with, coming out has become something you need to think about and plan. You need to time it. You have to be careful with it. And most importantly, you have to feel safe about it. Which sounds ridiculous! We need to feel safe to tell someone that we life a different gender(s/no gender) than what is societally expected of us!
Straight people, even allies, can never fully understand how daunting it is to come out. They've never had to worry about it, because they're straight, and religions and culture constantly tell the world that being straight is right. Being something other than straight is just wrong and something to be fixed. That's why gay conversion therapies still exist, even in Canada.
But, god, it feels so good when you finally come out. When you finally can be honest. That freedom feels so good, even when it paints a target on your back. Being able to walk out your front door, 100% you, is an amazing feeling. And that's why coming out is worth the risk. A life hiding, is not a real life at all.
Coming out is an emotional experience, no matter how it is received by the people around you. If the reaction is positive, you're on cloud nine! You're feeling the love that is surrounding you, and you're getting beautiful messages of support. If the reaction is negative, the feelings become mixed. You're feeling free because you get to be yourself now! but at the same time, you're wondering if you should've waited because now people aren't talking to you, your family could hate you now, and you could be genuinely frightened for your life. All those negative feelings are magnified if you come out as a teen. You've got your classmates to worry about, teachers to worry about, family, friends, society. And if you live in certain parts of the world, families are legally allowed to disown you, forcing you onto the street. There is a frightening statistic out of the States, that 25% of homeless youth there are queer, and the majority of that 25% are homeless because they came out to their parents/guardians and got kicked out.
As a queer person, thinking about coming out, you know all the horror stories. You have friends who came out to a negative response. You know the numbers of queer people with depression and suicidal thoughts. You know the community faces persecution from almost all sectors of society. You know that the persecution doesn't just come from religious fundamentalists, but that it can come from everyone no matter what they believe. And you know that no matter what country you live in, you can face hatred and violence for just being the person you were born as.
So why come out? What makes the risks worth it?
The freedom. As a queer person, we've learned to lie to everyone around us. We've learned to hide our true nature. We wear so many different masks on a given day, that we can lose ourselves, and we do this just to stay safe. Coming out allows us to take these masks off. It allows us to be ourselves all of the time, instead of just in our homes and with close friends. We look at all of the risks, we know that they could happen to us, but we know what we get when we finally come out: freedom to be true to ourselves. Groups throughout history have fought for freedom time and time again. People have sacrificed their lives for freedom. People willingly die for a chance to be free. And that's why we come out, even in the face of hardship, pain, banishment, and death. We come out for freedom.
Even with knowing why we're doing it, it's still a scary thing. It can take days to build up the courage to tell that first person, even after deciding that it is time. For me, I told people through text because I was too scared to come out in person in case the person reacted negatively. I talk about it in my vlogs a lot, but again that's not really in person. I can't have a conversation about it in real time. I'm in this weird limbo with my coming out, I'm out in the most public way possible (hello YouTube and blogs), yet I have no idea if the people I see everyday have any idea that I'm not straight. So I'm out, openly, but do people actually know? Because of this ambiguity I'm still living like I'm half in the closet. I'm out, but. I've got my freedom, but. I still get uncomfortable speaking to people face to face about it, because with each new person the fears become fresh and relevant again.
Coming out is a daunting prospect, and it's something that we shouldn't really need to worry about anymore, but it seems like it's becoming something that we need to worry more and more about with each passing year. I mean, North Carolina just passed possibly the most homophobic and transphobic law in modern times! And NC is in the country that literally prides itself on freedom! Instead of being something that you can feel comfortable with, coming out has become something you need to think about and plan. You need to time it. You have to be careful with it. And most importantly, you have to feel safe about it. Which sounds ridiculous! We need to feel safe to tell someone that we life a different gender(s/no gender) than what is societally expected of us!
Straight people, even allies, can never fully understand how daunting it is to come out. They've never had to worry about it, because they're straight, and religions and culture constantly tell the world that being straight is right. Being something other than straight is just wrong and something to be fixed. That's why gay conversion therapies still exist, even in Canada.
But, god, it feels so good when you finally come out. When you finally can be honest. That freedom feels so good, even when it paints a target on your back. Being able to walk out your front door, 100% you, is an amazing feeling. And that's why coming out is worth the risk. A life hiding, is not a real life at all.
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