Discrimination and Asexuality

Being asexual can be tough sometimes. Okay, it can be tough most of the time, lets be honest. We're a minority inside of a minority group. The LGBTQIA+ have been fighting to be accepted for decades, but members within that community often belittle or completely deny the existence of asexuals. We're told that we aren't "gay" enough, that we're "pretty much straight", and that we're just special little snowflakes. It's hard enough as an asexual person to live in this sex-driven society, without the added discrimination from the people who should be family. Yes, I realize there are a lot of people who support us within the queer community, and not everyone denies our existence. Please don't come to me saying that. Obviously I know this.

The sad reality is that people simply can't wrap their minds around asexuality. Asexuality should be one of the easiest sexualities to understand! But it's not. In a sex-driven, sex-filled society, we are the ones who aren't driven by sexual desires and attractions. Mainstream culture boils relationships down to sex, whereas asexual people see relationships as...well, relationships. I have friends within the community who struggle every single day with being asexual because the people around them label them as broken. "Not being sexually attracted to people is wrong." "God wants you to have sexual attraction." "How are you ever going to find a partner?" "You must be pretty fucked up in the head." "That's just a tumblr sexuality, it's not real." And my personal favourite [sarcasm heavily implied], "Five minutes with me and I'll fix that." First off, five minutes is nothing to be boasting about. Second off, fuck off. (sure hope my parents don't read this one) Third off, research into asexuality has been going on since 1896, and as we all know, tumblr didn't come online until 1899 at the earliest.

A lot of people would assume that asexual people are just overly dramatic and sensitive, surely the rest of the queer community has it much worse! But that's not the case. Brock University ran two studies in 2012, one with students, and one with non-students from different countries. These are their results from the study:

We provide evidence that antiasexual bias is a form of sexual minority prejudice, that those prone to prejudice are more prone to antiasexual bias, and that asexuals are targets of dehumanization, avoidance, and discrimination intentions. Further, we demonstrate that bias toward asexuals is either equivalent to, or even more extreme, than bias toward homosexuals and bisexuals. ... Asexuals are the sexual minority that is most clearly considered “deficient” by heterosexuals. ... Although antiasexual bias is a clear component of sexual minority prejudice, it is also unique in that it was repeatedly stronger than bias toward other sexual minorities. Most disturbingly, asexuals are viewed as less human, especially lacking in terms of human nature. This confirms that sexual desire is considered a key component of human nature, and those lacking it are viewed as relatively deficient, less human, and disliked. It appears that asexuals do not “fit” the typical definition of human and as such are viewed as less human or even nonhuman, rendering them an extreme sexual orientation outgroup and very strong targets of bias. [emphasis mine]

That’s hard to read. I got emotional reading it. I have friends that have had to deal with all of that. I’ve dealt with a small amount of it. Recently, a fellow asexual youtuber, Amelia Ace, got attacked in the comments of one of her recent videos with people making comments exactly as the study described.

                It breaks my hearts, seeing this every single day. Having my friends hurt every single day because they’re slowly starting to believe the hate that is levelled against them. Friends who have given up any hope of having a romantic relationship, because our society tells them that sex is a key component to romantic relationships. I have friends who have given up on the idea that they can be happy, simply because they’re asexual and the world tells us we’re broken.

                But we are not broken. There is nothing wrong with us. Society needs to change, not us. Society needs to accept us and embrace us. We are whole, and we are beautiful. Fuck the haters. Fuck the people who tell us we are less than them. Fuck anyone who tries to knock us down into the muck. Every time someone tries to knock us down, we will get right back up. We are stronger than their hate. We have each other. We have the support of our asexual family. Because that’s what we are, we’re more than just a community. We are family.

                According to society we are impossible, so I’m going to end with a quote from Firefly: We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty. 

For more disturbing things the asexual family deals with, please see this article.