We're gonna be okay

                I’ve written about this before, but now seems like a good time to bring it up again. I, of course, am talking about the invisibility of asexuality and of aces themselves. Why now? I could be flippant and just say ‘why not’, but that’s not an honest answer. I’m bringing it up now because a main character on a successful Netflix original series has come out as asexual. BoJack Horseman, the show in question, had the character come out in its third season, which came out in July. I’m writing this to talk about the show, or give spoilers; the simple act of this happening is the reason behind the article. For those wondering, they handled it very well.

                This is a big win for representation, and helps with visibility. Is it enough? Well, no. But the only group on the planet with enough representation is the straight, white, male community. Thank god that base is covered, could you imagine if it wasn’t? All sarcasm aside, this is a good thing.

                For my newer readers (hi), a brief outline of asexuality:

·         It exists

Well, that was easy and brief! Okay, seriously though:

·         Asexuality is when one feels no sexual attraction to anyone

·         It exists on a spectrum where people can experience sexual attraction on very rare occurrences to where people never feel it

·         Asexual people are not broken, and do not have anything medically wrong with them

·         It is not caused by an imbalance in hormones

·         Asexuality does not reflect upon a person’s romantic attractions

·         An estimated 1% of the population identifies as asexual

·         The first recorded reference to asexuality was in 1896, and not on tumblr as some people like to say

·         Some asexual people enjoy sex, some don’t

·         Some asexual people masturbate, some don’t

In the end, asexual people, aces, are a varied group. The only thing all aces have in common is a lack of sexual attraction.

                That sounds super easy to understand. It’s to the point, it’s simple, and there isn’t any really big word in it! And yet asexuality remains one of the least understood and represented sexualities. With the lack of understanding comes the hate, because we all know the human race will automatically hate everything that it can’t understand!  Studies have been done that show aces are often viewed as less than human—even by others in the LGBTQIA+ community. These same studies have shown that the hate asexual people get can be far more extreme than the other sexualities, simply because we are viewed as lacking. All of my asexual friends who are open have received death threats and threats of rape. I’ve received death threats in the past, and I routinely get hate thrown my way. I know this hate is real.

                It doesn’t help that the media misrepresents asexuals as closeted freaks who just haven’t fully developed yet, or as people with mental issues. And then! Just when we think there’s a somewhat good representation, or if there is a hint of it, something bad happens to the character, or they get told that they just need to ‘get laid’. And of course, there are the countless times when asexuality has been confused with celibacy. I’m sorry, choosing to not have sex with people does not make you asexual, it merely makes you a person choosing to not have sex! Ridiculous, I know. One of the biggest examples of this is from the inexplicably still airing Big Bang Theory with their character of Sheldon. Sheldon, who may be asexual, in the early seasons is more focused on his work and his hobbies than having sex and all of his so-called friends mock him relentlessly for this, and take every opportunity to try and make him have sex. And then, because it’s a prime time sitcom and can’t have good and accurate representation, the writers of the show made the character get a girlfriend and become the person his friends had been trying to force him to become.

                Since I’ve come out, I’ve found this wonderful community to be a part of, where I was able to ask questions and grow. The people I have come to know have become like family to me, and some are now my closet friends and confidants. I have written so many words in so many different platforms about how the asexual community is a family, and it is something that I truly believe. In a world that wants to, at the very least, deny our existence, so many aces have remained positive and strong. So many have become these shining lights of positivity to the rest of the community. When the world continuously steps on us, and grinds us under foot, we remain strong. We do not give in and become bitter. We embrace the world, and we educate. We show the world that we are here, and that we are not broken.

                Whenever one of our community falls down, we help them up. Whenever one of our community breaks down in tears because of the words of their peers, we lift them up. I love this community. I love the people in it. I do not love the lies and untruths that people spread about it. I do not love the misrepresentations within the media.

This community is one that I am proud to be a part of. I am proud to be asexual, and I am proud of whatever good I have done for it. I know that some of my pieces have resonated strongly (several of them have been shared thousands of times), and I get messages from people on a regular basis thanking me, or telling me that I am doing good in the world.

I dunno guys, I think we’re gonna  be okay.