As this is a blog that I post online and share
through social media, I’m sure there is a high expectation that I talk about
Pokémon Go. I’ll just say this on the matter: it’s fun and it gets you out
exercising without you really noticing. If you want more of my thoughts on the
matter, just check my twitter. On with the blog!
Everything is in a state of perpetual flux. Just as
things are going smoothly, something will happen that shakes things up. That
jars reality. Things will stay rocky for a while, but eventually it will smooth
out again.
That’s how life works. It’s how we expect things to
go. What we don’t expect is the involvement of an especially sheltered angel
who “just wants to help”.
I had just found out I was behind on literally all of
my bills due to some clerical error, my girlfriend had decided to leave, and
the servers were down on my favourite game. I couldn’t see how things could get
worse.
Then a bright light and a screeching sound shattered
three of my windows and cracked my tv.
Plus the sound really hurt my ears. Like, a lot.
Out of the bright, white light, stepped a figure.
Normally angels appear as majestic beings, with flowing locks, and the bodies
of athletes. This one looked like a dude named Steve.
“Hey, I’m, uh, your guardian angel? Yeah, that’s it.
Anyway, the name’s Steve. Nice to meetcha,” he said, extending his hand.
Bewildered, I grabbed his hand, “I’m Dan, but,
you—um, you would know that?”
Steve the angel still had not let go of my hand and
began dragging me around the mess of my living room. “Geez Dan, would it kill
you to clean up a little? I know your life sucks, but this glass is dangerous!”
He snapped the fingers of his free hand, and the shattered glass flew off the
ground and back into the window panes. The cracks were still visible, and
somehow the one on the TV had grown. He led me to an armchair, where he finally
released my hand. He gestured for me to sit, and once I had, sat on the floor
in front of me.
“Uh,” I began.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” Steve said consolingly, I
think, but it sounded more condescending than anything else. “Things are kind
of a mess right now, aren’t they? Sucks the big one. I been there. Think I was
always a lowly guardian angel? Think I always went by Steve? No, at one time I
had full, luscious hair, and went by the dignified name of Stefanos. I got to
hang out with the archangels! But then, things kinda fell apart for me—wasn’t
any of my fault, of course!” He reached up and put his hand on my knee, “You’re
gonna get through this, Dave.”
“My name’s Dan, and I—“
“Right, right, Dan. You are going to be good, Dan,
you got me by your side!” Steve the angel smiled beatifically, and then fell to
his side. “Oh, who am I kidding? Look at me, Dave, look at me!” My corrections
went unnoticed this time. “I’m a huge mess! I’ve lost my hair, I lost my girl!
And now I’m stuck here, slummin’ it with you lot! I used to be somebody, Davey
boy! I was there when the walls of Jericho fell; I stopped the destruction of
Nineveh! But then, when I was supposed to go to some John guy with a prophecy,
I went to the wrong guy. I really screwed the pooch there, Danny-san. Because I
told the wrong John, the prophecy got all messed up. I mean, Wormwood? What is
that even supposed to mean? That’s when things really started to go sour on me.
The other angels started calling me Steve, and not inviting me out. Can you
imagine being called Steve for two thousand years? It was pure he—well, not
that, obviously.” Steve started gently crying into my carpet.
“Yes, well, that is quite terrible. I’m sure you did
nothing at all to earn that scorn, there were probably loads of people named
‘John’ back then.” I said, feeling oddly compelled to comfort the angel.
The gentle sniffling stopped, and Steven raised his
head, “You think?”
“Uh, yeah, yeah I do. I mean, I would’ve assumed to
take it Jesus’s friend John too, not some other one.”
“Yeah, the one Jesus knew was the right one… I just
couldn’t remember what he looked like. I was pretty high on life at the time.
Oh, life is this special kinda drug thing that we angels have. Anyways, so I
went and put up some posters, and gave the prophecy to the first John who came.
How was I to know there was more than one?” Steve shook his head ruefully,
“After that is when I got demoted to guardian angel. At first I was assigned
some important people like Joan of Arc, Pope Benedict VI, among others, but
after they all got murdered when I wasn’t paying attention, I got demoted again
to looking after people who weren’t important. Like you, Danny!”
I suddenly stood up: “I need tea.” I didn’t actually
want tea, I hadn’t drunk tea by choice in years, but I walked into my kitchen
and turn the kettle on. What had my life become? How had my life become so
messed up that heaven’s least reliable angel had come to have a chat? The
kettle begun whistling, so I splashed some water into a mug and added rum.
“Listen, Steve,” I said as I walked back into the
living room, “I think we should have a chat.” Steve had taken his shirt and
shoes off, and was watching rugby with his feet on my coffee table. “I think it’s
great that you came to see me and all, but I think I’ll handle this. Ya know,
upon reflection, I was probably the cause of most of my problems. Thanks for those stories; they really helped
me clear some stuff up.”
“What do you mean?” Steve asked.
“Well, your stories. You told me them to show me that
I had to take responsibility for my actions. How everything that’s going on in
my life was because of something I have done, in a way.”
Steve looked puzzled, “Not what I was going for, but
you’re saying that I’ve helped? That I have fulfilled my duties as a guardian
angel?”
“I guess so?” I answered with a shrug.
Steve stood and stretched, “Awesome, I’m gonna head
out and catch the rest of this game someplace nicer.” With that, he disappeared
in that blinding white light again, freshly shattering my windows. On the
positive side, somehow the TV had fixed itself.
In reflection, I don’t think Steve had taken the same
lesson from his stories as I had.
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