Clearing up

I have a problem with writing things that I think may offend my friends and family. I hold back sometimes for that exact reason. I really shouldn’t. If my views and ideas are offensive to them, that’s not my problem! I should be speaking my mind! However, I need these people to read what I’m writing because as of right now they’re a large percentage of my readership. So am I restraining myself to offend their delicate sensibilities, or am I doing it to not lose readers?
I suppose I just have to ask myself what really matters: being true to myself and my views, or maintaining readership. It’s a scary question, especially since both options involve a sacrifice. But since I’m talking about this, lets clear up some of my stances with the internet’s favourite kind of article: a list!
1.) Donald J. Trump
He’s a fuckwit. And he’s terrifying. The possible implications of his love-affair with Russia and Putin are horrifying. His admiration for dictators is worrying. And all of this is without mention his racist and fear driven platform that won him the American election! Honestly, if you think Trump is a suitable President, just get out of my life. I don’t care who you are, because your support of him shows me that you don’t care about me or anyone else that is “different”. And in this case, as with most, different means not straight and white. I’ve already said that any Christians who voted for Trump have lost sight of Christ, but I’ll go a step farther: anyone who voted for him, knowing his platform, is a bad person.
2.) Syrian Refugees
Good people, we should be taking more in. They’re running away from hate and violence, we should be welcoming them with open arms and open homes. Anyone who disagrees with that has forgotten what being Canadian means. As with Trump, if you disagree, just leave my life.
3.) Kayne West
I’ll admit that he is a talented rapper and artist, but he’s also kind of a dick. However, I wish him all the best as he’s going through this difficult time. I’m not a monster.
4.) Pipelines in general
The environmental side-effects are a big enough reason to not build them. I understand what benefit they would have for the economy, but if the cost is the environment, is the economy worth it? No, no it is not. Our environment is wrecked enough right now without us adding to the problems. I’m honestly scared for our planet right now.
5.) Justin Trudeau
I voted for him, and I would again. Has he made a few decisions I don’t agree with? Yeah, but he’s still a decent human being who wants Canada to become a truly equal country, and the beacon of hope that it used to be. He’s the best option we have right now, and he’s actually a good option.
6.) Brad Wall
He’s been in power for too long and it’s gone to his head. At one time he was a good leader, but now he thinks he knows what’s best for the entire country, and constantly forgets that he’s the premier of one of the smallest provinces in Canada. Plus, he was against bringing refugees into the province unless they went through more rounds of vetting because the UN and Canada weren’t being thorough enough. And he was excited about Trump becoming President. And he got into a twitter fight with A&W. Seriously Brad, maybe take a sabbatical.
7.) Hockey
Meh, it’s alright when you’re actually at a game with some friends, but watching it on TV (outside of Olympics hockey) is kind of a waste.
8.) Religion
Everyone should be free to practice whatever religion they want without fear, but a religion that preaches discrimination should be re-evaluated. That being said, a lot of my “Christian” friends are some of the most hateful people I know. Oh sure, they’ll open their hearts and homes to other Christians but heaven forbid they do that for other people without being preachy. Honestly, Christians, us queer folk are here to stay no matter how much you pray the gay away, so just stop.
9.) Abortion
It’s her body, she should have control over it. Pro-choice all the way. If we take away the right for women to decide this, where does it stop? It stops with women becoming property again.
10.) Gender
Biological sex and gender are different things. Being as I personally am a “different” gender, it should be no surprise that I fully support people’s gender identities. History is also on my side with many cultures having more than two genders. Sorry reddit.
11.) Clickbait
Hate that I sometimes have to find out what the scientists/random dude found.
12.) Star Wars
Fun, shallow sci-fi that drowns when you compare it to hard sci-fi. It’s better to call it fantasy and then not compare it to other fantasies.
13.) Marijuana
It should be legal. Tobacco and alcohol are, why not pot?

Well, there ya go. Some of my distilled thoughts on various topics.

Love in the face of darkness

There is a lot of turmoil in the world right now. A lot of people are eagerly waiting for 2016 to end, after it has brought us tragedy after tragedy. And yeah, it has been a pretty rough year with the constant celebrity deaths, Brexit, Trump, DAPL, and everything else. There a lot of angry and hurt people right now, and I can’t blame them. I’m angry and hurt too. Every time I read the news I find something else that upsets me. Here in Canada, I can pretend to be apart from all the problems, I can easily bury my head in the sand and say that these global issues won’t affect me.
      I know it’s a lie, but it is a nice lie.
     The truth isn’t as nice. The truth is hard and heavy. All these events have global ramifications. And we all have the responsibility to admit that and understand that. To the South we have a rebirth of fascism and a resurgence of racism. To the East we have one of the oldest powers in the world slowly crumbling under the weight of its own failings. Just passed that, we have Russia casually sticking their fingers into multiple pots, watching the reactions and waiting. The Middle East is continuing to be the battleground it’s been for generations, and North Korea has upped their blustering.
       We can try and pretend that things are not as bad as they seem, but that would be a lie. Things are bad—no, they’re terrifying when one actually thinks about it. There’s a president-elect who has been officially endorsed by the KKK and the Kremlin. The American police are brutishly attacking peaceful and legal protestors—including one young woman who may be facing amputation from the police’s “non-lethal” methods. When we live in a world where protestors can lose limbs from the police’s non-lethal methods, we really need to reconsider…well, everything.
          Our ancestors fought for our freedoms and against tyranny in two brutal world wars. They sacrificed everything so we wouldn’t have to deal with a dictator taking away our freedoms, and we have repaid them by democratically electing a person who idolizes dictators and ran on a platform of hate. We owe it to everyone who fought and died in the world wars to stand up right now. We owe it to them to stop all of this before it escalates any farther. They fought and died so that everyone would have peace and freedom. They fought to liberate the Jewish people, and now their progeny want to get rid of the Jewish people. We have unprecedented numbers of people openly calling for white supremacy, and many of these people are so-called Christians who have apparently forgotten everything Jesus ever said.
        The point of this is not to depress or anger, although I can easily see how it could do both. We need to stand together. History has shown that we can defeat Nazis through force, let us show future generations that we can defeat them through unity and love. We as a people are better than this, we know our history and we should not be repeating it. We need to stand together against hate. We need to show the Neo-Nazis taking over America that their ideals are not the ideals the modern world has been built upon. We need to stand together and show Russia that bullying isn’t something that we will tolerate. Together we can prevail against the darkness invading our societies. Together we can show that love and acceptance is the proper way to go.
       There has been a lot of bad this year so much that it seemingly overshadows the good, and it is okay to feel that way. So much has happened this year that it can be hard to keep track. Dozens of major terror attacks in Europe and the Middle East. The Pulse shooting. Natural disasters. Ebola. Zika. The deaths of so many influential people. Suicides in Northern Canadian communities. Things seem so dark right now, and a lot of people are saying this is the worst single year in history. Honestly, I’d almost be inclined to agree with them.
        There has been good this year as well though! There have been countless medical breakthroughs! Endangered species have seen population growth! Worldwide crime has dropped, even if that’s hard to believe. Disparate groups have banded together to stand against ISIS. Tens of thousands of people took to the streets to support Black Lives Matter. This year, hidden by the thicket of bad, we have shown solidarity. In the dark, we have stood together to shine our lights.
        Together we can bring down the darkness. The fight will not be easy, and it will not be over quick. Things are bad, and they may be bad for a while yet, but as long as we stand together in love and unity we can prevail.
       To the Christians reading this, Jesus taught that when struck on one cheek to turn the other one towards the striker. He leaves what to do next vague, but remember what happened when he found the vendors in the temple: he chased them out. All these Neo-Nazis and Fascists are vendors infringing on the temple trying to corrupt the holy. Chase them out, and stand with all your brothers and sisters: the Muslims, the Jewish people, the queer community, the Black community, the Latin community, the Asian community, the disabled community, and everyone else that has been hurt by hate this year. “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Too many forget what Jesus considered to be the second most important commandment. It’s time to remember.
       To those of other religions reading this, stay strong and stand together.
       To the atheists reading this, remember to practice love and acceptance to all.
      We will win. Love will trump hate. Love and peace to you all.

We heal by love: A poem

                A man was killed last night by those sworn to protect, yet we argue and bicker over the details of a past we know nothing about.

                People argue against hate while hating those who hate others, can’t the hypocrisy be seen?

                We stand up for a better tomorrow, while casting shade on those who disagree.

                We cry at the unjust killing of another, while calling for the death of those responsible.

                Violence begetting violence.

                All the world knows.

                Shouldn’t we be better than our primal natures?

                Or is that all we have left?

                Are we more than what we were?

                Or are we just what we were?

                A man was killed and we blame the person who pulled the trigger—

                Not the system that allows this

                Not the company that makes the gun

                We blame the person.  

                We get mad and we scream and shout.

                We cry for justice

                                                But do we want justice or just revenge?

                So easily confused.

                So easily differentiated.

                People always screaming for justice, while their hearts silently beg for vengeance.

                “Vengeance is mine,” sayeth the Lord.

                “I am the Lord,” sayeth man.

                Who are we to judge and execute

                Who are we when we put ourselves on a higher pedestal?

                We judge ourselves better than those who judge themselves better than those

                Where’s the line?

                Where’s the difference?

                How can we change the world when we cannot change ourselves?

                We want to survive so we stay the course.

                Goin ‘gainst the current is how we drown

                So the current takes us where it wants,

                Washing up on foreign shores,

                We do what we know.

                We do what we need to survive.

                Some of us have guilt so black we take every stand

                Just to wash away some of it

                Just to sleep at night.

                Some of us need to be seen, so we take every stand

                Just so people know us

                Just so we can feel good.

                Some of us have been hurt so bad, we lash out at every stand

                Just to feel something

                Just so other people know how much we hurt.

                Some of us just hate everyone who isn’t us

                So we think they’re lesser

                So we hurt them.

                Some of us are just good, so we take every stand

                So we can help

                So we can make a difference.

                We need to heal each other.

                We need to help each other.

                We heal by educating

                We heal by giving back

                We heal by love. 

Seeing Beauty Again

                I used to write stories. Great epics, touching dramas, cute romances, wondrous fairy tales, and terrifying thrillers. Now I just—no, no. That’s not right. The pencil scratches out the words, the eraser long since used up.

                I begin again: I used to write wonders and epics. Fairy Tales and Ghost stories. Now I write bare truths and hidden lies. I smile. This was better. This was more honest. I used to let my imagination guide my words. Hidden glimpses of potential would fuel my words, as they slowly, magically, perfectly, fit together to form sentences, and those sentences into paragraphs, and those onto stories. Now I—what am I now? I pause. Hand frozen hovering over the paper as my mind tries to puzzle out the answer. I have not written a parable, a poem, a story, anything other than unwanted truths in ages. Am I still the writer I once was? Can I still craft a tale that can make all who hear it weep? Or have I become bound to writing only that which triggers a different primal response?

                I used to write the truths people didn’t want to see or hear, but in a way that made people think and reconsider; now I write them in the open. Hmm. That sounds better. Almost poetic.

                I stand and stretch. Pulling at that knot buried deep in my spine. If you’re a writer, you know the one. The one that is always there, pulling at your soul as if it is trying to drag you somewhere you don’t want to go. Like a mother pulling a petulant child towards some hated activity. I steadfastly ignore it; I don’t want to see the truths it tries to make me see. Flexing my tired fingers, I stare out the window. I do this often to remind myself that there is beauty in the world, but with each passing day it becomes harder to convince myself of that. Where there was once life, now ashes float.

                Words once came easy to me. I could sit and write a short story in an hour, given an hour and half I could write a story that moved people, that made people feel what I wanted them to feel. Now it takes me that long to bang out a mediocre paragraph. My soul was once that of a poet. My words sang and danced! They shouted to the very heavens to tempt God! They could paint a picture to rival the works of the masters! And now my soul is buried under a thousand other titles: friend family mentor worker confidante problem solver coach best friend activist freelancer YouTuber journalist. Down near the bottom of this infinite list lays: writer and poet. Two of my greatest loves, sacrificed for what reason?

                I sat and begin to write again. Truths are easier to see when they fly in the face, yet harder to accept. A truth that hits you in the face becomes a nuisance, a truth that you find in the words of a story though? That truth becomes precious. That truth becomes something that you have earned, and through earning it, you protect it.

                I pause and reflect upon my own words. If I constantly hand out the truth for free, why would people care? I can see the evidence of that every day. People are constantly handed truths that they don’t want, and so they ignore them. From smoking to violence, when people are given the truth they ignore it. So why have I started handing out the truth? When did I turn from an artist to a man shouting on the corners? All my own morals, all my own truths, I learned from stories. I learned integrity from Tolkien, I learned perseverance from Rowling, logic from Doyle, I learned how to lead from Kirk and Picard, I learned faith from Herbert. If I learned from stories, why would I try to impart lessons through anything else?

                I have become a mockery unto myself, my pencil writes, I have tossed away the lessons from my past, and like many fools before me, I have tried to attack the ocean of ignorance, instead of bridging it. I know that it doesn’t work, and yet I try. “Surely if I were to throw enough truths down, I will be able to stand upon them and bury the ignorance!” And, like everything that gets thrown into the ocean, the waves merely bury it, never to be seen again.

                There is a tale that the Emperor Caligula once ordered his troops to attack the sea, and then collect seashells as proof of his great victory. Many people laugh at this, and it adds to his legendary levels of crazy—the story is false however. Even Caligula was smart enough to know attacking the sea does nothing. As a student of history, I should’ve recognized that I was making that mistake.

                The sea will endure long past my feeble attempts to bury it, and in my attempts to bury it, it shall consume me and leave me to a watery grave. So is true with my writing. If I continually strike at the ignorance, attempt to bury it with my truths, I shall become buried by the ignorance. But if I bridge it, if I allow people to find the truths for themselves, we can all cross the ignorance safely. Truth is always in the guise of a story, and a good story can change the world.

                I lay my pencil down beside the paper. Words scramble across it in a mad dash, sentences struck out, words left unfinished only to be replaced by others. I stare at the madness in front of me, these scribbles filled with meaning, and I see beauty again.  

An Infinite Sky

     I was out for a walk today with my dog, and the sky was absolutely breathtaking. Right in the middle was heavy cloud, flanked on either side by wondrous colour: one side was the oranges and yellows of the setting sun, on the other a light blue, everything stretching to the horizons.

dramatic shot of Teasag (pronounced Chessa) digging

    Under this impressive sky I had to stop, just to try and process what I was seeing. As I stood soaking in the majesty of the infinite, every care and worry on my soul shrank into trivialities. I stood on the edge of forever and everything fell into perspective. The universe was open to me, and for one beautiful instant I saw just how trivial all of my problems were compared to the whole. 

    Our world is falling apart, and I was worried about getting a book published. People are fleeing for their lives, their homes destroyed, and I was worried about bills. 

     As I stood there, under eternity, a wall broke inside of me, and I felt the pain that humanity itself is experiencing right now. It wasn't a piercing or stabbing pain, it was a dull ache as if something had been torn out a long time ago and never been replaced. 

     Never before this moment, have I felt the connectedness of all humanity. It burned through me, leaving me shaken. All this hate around the world is breaking us apart more than we already are. If the human race has ever needed love, it's right now. I pray to the gods above for love, to heal this fractured world we live in. Everyday something happens to try and break my belief in the human spirit, and everyday it is harder for me to believe in humanity, but I have not given up hope. I can't. If I gave up hope in humanity, I would be resigning myself to a dark future. I cannot allow myself to be part of that. So everyday I get up, and I stand up for humanity. I stand as a light in the darkness. I am turning the other cheek, and I am reaching out my hand to help those who need it. 

     The other day, a "Christian" asked me if I would help someone if they had hurt me, my response was simple. All I said was: Matthew 5:39. For those of you who aren't Christian, the verse, including the one previous for context, reads: "You have heard that it was said, 'AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.' But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also." We live in an age where the answer to any aggression is revenge, and even Christians are joining in on that. Which baffles me because it's the exact opposite of what Christ would've done. Maybe it's silly of me to believe that Christians would follow Christ's example though... I try to, but most Christian churches in the area don't exactly care for my "radical" version of Christianity. Radical being I try to follow Christ's example. 

      Funny old world. 

     Amazing what a sky can do.

     Especially when that sky is showing you the infinite.