blocked words

When words fail, we blame writer’s block. For those who do not write, the idea can seem either ridiculous or irritating. It is neither of those things. Writer’s block is a huge, nigh insurmountable mountain that can appear without warning leaving the writer dazed, confused, and frustrated. Hours can be spent pounding around the keyboard attempting to find a pass of any size through this damnable mountain, only to have an avalanche come crashing down upon the writer’s head. Now, instead of just a picturesque mountain, the writer has a suffocating and chilling mass pressing down upon them, slowly killing what hope they had left.
Damn.
There are times when the writer is left for days in this situation, barely clinging to life, before remembering that they have a match, a shovel, a staff of igniting, something! that can get them out from under the crushing snows. Slowly, resolutely, the writer pulls themselves out of the crushing snow, and, if they are lucky, they find that the snows have pushed them to the entrance of a winding mountain pass. This pass is full of twists and turns, and oft-times will have the writer backtracking to find some obscured turn that they missed, but eventually the pass will show them clear. The writer, exhausted but exhilarated, triumphant, will begin to write with a renewed passion and dedication! The path clear in front of them.
Until the next moment of writer’s block.

A three to eight step program!

                The problem with writing something new every day is that some days there is nothing new to write. The days where one gets buried under the monotony of daily existence and creativity seems to be somewhat stifled, and one can just not write or create! Unstifling the stifled is often the first thing that comes to mind, but how does one unstifle exactly?

                I’m glad you asked! I’m here today to tell you the three steps to becoming unstifled!

                What is this? Who are you?

                You seem confused, and a trifle overstifled! My quick and easy five step program can help with that!

                You literally just said it was a three step program. I can still see where you typed it!

                Now, now young lady, don’t get all in a bother!

                I’m not—doesn’t matter. Who are you?

                Well young master, let’s just say that I can fix your problems. I can make it so your creativity never gets stifled again. Would you like that?

                I guess so? I would get to be creative all the time. I could really focus on my art. Ok. What’s the five step program?

                Six step.

                It say’s five step like seven or eight lines ago!

                Now it’s an eight step program. Keep it up, lass.

                Okay, sorry. What are the eight steps?

                Step one: Acceptance

                Wait—acceptance? Isn’t that a little clichéd?

                Acceptance is always the first step.

                Okay, okay. What’s step two?

                Now’s when it gets tricky, fraulein. Step two: cry about it until an imaginary voice comes and talks to you.

                Kay. One: ouch. Two: you’re typing, I can’t hear you.

                Everything is a matter of perspective, no?

                …You may have a point.

                Damn straight I do, Milly. Step three: drop the sarcasm and the bitterness, and look for the problem.

                That one’s actually helpful.

                Step four: ignore the problem and find its roots.

                That one doesn’t make sense. Isn’t the problem already the root?

                Dandelions are a problem, the roots are the cause.

                That’s deep. Okay, I can try that. Thanks for the help.

                Where are you going?

                I got my answers, I’m leaving.

                Eight step program remember?

                You originally said it was only a three step program.

                I changed my mind. Well, our mind technically. I am just a spectre of your own creation after all! Now. Step five: Don’t pull the roots out, dig them out.

                Wait, I got this one. You dig them out so you don’t miss anything right?

                I’d smile in answer, but you’re not really describing anything, so yeah. That’s right. Step six: pile the roots in a nice pilelike shape.

                Um…

                Step seven: burn the roots so they can never come back.

                I don’t think this—

                Step eight: scoop up the ashes with your new 2 Horse Power Gladiator Shovel! Yours for only seventeen payments of $32.68!

                I’m done.

                But wait! Order now, and get it for only nine payments!