The new nuclear family

The family is a primordial idea. Wild animals recognize the importance of family groups or packs. With a family, the animals survive; without they perish. In human culture, family has generally been limited to those with whom one shares blood. However, as mankind’s capacity to be horrible to one another knows no bounds, oft-times blood relations can be abusive. Times have changed, and with them so has the concept of family. To my generation, the oft-mocked and belittled millennials, family means a lot more than mere blood relations. To us, people earn the right to be family; it’s not a matter of blood, it’s a matter of shared trust. Maybe it was the pop culture we were raised on, maybe it’s the more accepting and open culture that we are promoting, or maybe it’s just a growing cultural awareness. Whatever the cause, the modern idea of a family is much different than it was in the past.  

To many millennials, family are the people who have your back. They’re the people who are there when one needs them, even if it’s 3 in the morning. Because of this many consider their closest friends to be family, and not just friends. With the advent of instant messaging, we’re able to be constantly in contact with anyone, which allows us to form tighter bonds with people outside of our genetic family. Which is good. Family is evolving along with society. This evolution of family is particularly important for queer people! Not all genetic families are supportive or understanding, and this evolution allows queer people to surround themselves with a family that loves and supports them. 

That’s what defines a real family: love and support. Blood and genetics do not define family. If I limited my family to the genetic relations that love and support me, my family could be counted on a single hand. Fortunately for me, I’ve not done that since I was a teenager. Today my family spans the globe and can be counted on two hands! I honestly don’t know where I would be today without my family, and I don’t know who I would be if I had limited my family to genetics.   

Like most 90s kids, I grew up with a pop culture that highlighted atypical familial units: single parents, adopted families, children being raised by their aunts and uncles. As we aged, the pop culture we consumed changed, but the idea of an atypical family stayed. We began to explore new mediums and new cultures, and our minds grew. We saw and read stories about groups of misfits coming together to form families, we bonded over message boards and fan theories, we encouraged each other behind our keyboards and we evolved the concept of family into something that fit into the burgeoning digital world we were creating.  

Some times when I made funny jokes!

I like to think of myself as a slightly humorous person. I’d like to think that my writing and videos accurately reflect that. In honour of how funny I am, today’s post is going to be a list of my top 7 (I’m just being too lazy to find links for the times I was funny in videos) funniest moments (plus I’ll explain why the jokes are funny; always the best part!)!

7: The time I made Spongebob joke

                I’m gonna be honest with y’all: I have never watched an episode of Spongebob 4x90°pants in my life. And yes, that math joke took way longer to write out than it should’ve, but that isn’t the joke this entry is about! That’s right; this article is going to be funnier than the time that Patrick burnt down the whole time in a fit of coke-fueled rage. Again, I’ve never watched the show, I’m just assuming that happened at some point or another.

                Here’s the real deal though:

Mixing classic tumblr style humour with the playful antics of Spongebob, truly I am a saint.

6: The time Ramsay Bolton nee Snow liked my tweet:

                If you’ve known me for any amount of time, or looked at my twitter feed on a Sunday night, you’ll know one fact about me: I somewhat enjoy the global pasttime that is Game of Thrones. And by somewhat enjoy, I mean that I can discuss the fan theories like a pro, and debate whether or not the interest charged by the Iron Bank of Braavos is fair or not.

                Without spoiling too much, Ramsay was not a delightful person. He did however love his dogs and kept them well fed—by feeding them people. He killed, maimed, and raped often. And he tried to kill fan favourite Jon Snow. Just an all around bad guy. He was even more hated than Joffery, by some fans.

                And then the actor, Iwan Rheon, got cast as Hitler in a production about Hitler’s time as an artist. Everyone was making jokes about this, so of course I jumped right on the ol’ bandwagon!

Bonus points for my awesome profile pic.

5. The time I made fun of Kylo Ren:

                Another thing you’ll know about me, is that I am a huge nerd. Especially when it comes to science fiction. Now, as a disclaimer, Star Trek is better than Star Wars, but this joke is all about Star Wars.

                When we first saw Kylo Ren’s lightsaber, we all had a good long laugh about it. Cross guards made out of lasers on a laser sword? LOLK. After watching the film, we all felt a little stupid for making fun of the lightsaber, because we found out there was so much more to make fun of than just that. Honestly, the saber is like the least funny thing about Kylo Ren. Unfortunately, this joke went for the low-hanging fruit that was the lightsaber.

I mean, it was still a pretty solid joke. Hopefully Disney didn’t take it too seriously though.

4. The time it got a little too real:

                I write a lot about sexuality and gender identity. It’s something that is important to me, and to the entire world. Representation is something that is needed, and is crucial in showing the queer community that there is nothing wrong with them.

                Unfortunately, straight people still think that being straight is the best, and that remembering other things exist is just far too much work. After all, wearing khaki and golfing takes all their energy. Plus, who’s going to watch all the Adam Sandler movies? Too much? Oh well.

                One time, a friend forgot that I wasn’t straight. Moments after I had sent a link to a video chronicling my coming out story. But don’t worry! She had a valid excuse, and I had an even more valid retort:

Ah, the causal sarcasm as I threw her words back at her. While this may not be the funniest thing I’ve said, it’s one of the things I am most proud of. Straight people, am I right?

3. Just to lighten things up, the time I made fun of my sister’s texting:

                Millennials, the laziest group of people to ever exist, right baby boomers? Them and their texting and activism, don’t they know that they should just be cynical and work jobs that they hate so they can buy houses in a market that your generation wrecked? God. Anyways, millennials love to text! I can confirm this because I am sending 243 texts right now! As I type! Amazing!

                Kat, as she describes herself, is a basic bitch. A white girl. And texts like one af. As evidenced by this short and sweet exchange of ours:

I apologize for the appalling language. Everyone knows I only swear while playing Mario Kart and Halo. Blue shells and lag, my language kryptonite.

2: A topical Pokémon Go joke!

                No article these days is complete without at least one PKGo (as the cool kids call it) joke or reference. And by all ‘eevee’dence, I sure am up on the trends. I’d be a piece of ‘trubbish’ if I didn’t squeeze in a few Poképuns. Honestly, I could just start using tree puns, and everyone would think I was making clever jokes about the professors in the franchise.

                My joke might be a ‘jolteon’ the old system, but I think if I put the ol’ ‘charmeleon’, you’ll enjoy it! Okay, I’m done, here’s the original joke. All 151 of em:

Those Poképuns hurt my brain.

1. The time I made an inappropriate joke:

                Sorry mom and dad, sometimes I do make some inappropriate jokes. And sometimes they are hilarious! Other times, they came out during Cards against Humanity, and left me feeling bad. This is not one of those times!

                The final joke contains no pop culture, no vulgar language, and no funny pictures. Just words. Please, enjoy:

So good. So pure. So funny. 

A Millennial got annoyed! You won't believe what happened next!

     I've written about this subject before, but it continues to come up! Like, honestly people, I've talked about how ridiculous it all is already. It should be gone! I, as a lazy and entitled millennial, have spoken up! Why didn't all you olds listen to me? All this threw me into such a fuss I almost put soy milk into my latte this morning instead of almond milk. IKR?
      As a spokesperson for my generation, though tbh we are all spokepeople of our generation, I gotta say (from the comfort of my vintage armchair!), you guys kinda left the world in a bad place. It was like you were in an abusive relationship with the Earth, then broke up with it. But didn't leave! And now, while we're trying to clean up the place and offer some love and support, you're literally just shitting on the floor. Now, I know, you worked hard for the home you have (that cost a fraction of what housing does these days, even after inflation), and you feel like you've earned the right to dictate how things should get done. You've got all those years of experience on how to be sexist, racist, and elitist, and you feel like we should be emulating the example your putting forth instead of downloading emulators to play Mario. And to be 100% for real with you, we are learning from your example! You're a great teacher! We are learning, from your wonderful and timely examples, how not to live. We see the lessons you're putting forth and we are understanding. Thank you so much for showing us what not to do! I'm sure it is taking a lot out of you everyday pretending to be an asshole. And we sincerely and humbly thank you for this great sacrifice!
        We are taking these great lessons and putting them into action! We see you "complaining" about those "different folks", and we understand that what you really want is for us to help people! Because we're all people! There are no "different folks", just folks who like different things! Your false bigotry has really shown us how terrible it is! Your lessons have really shown us terrible the world could be if people actually thought the way you pretend to!
         It is in that vein, that I must apologize for those in my generation who seemingly think your teachings show how to act, instead of the opposite. I know, I'm sure you thought it was so obvious! How could a decent human being ever actually act the way you pretend to! And yet, for some your lessons have failed. They have become the racist bigots you have so valiantly fought against!
       Your generation has so wonderfully shown us just how bad fossil fuels are to the environment, you've shown us to be careful with our water supply, you've shown us that war is bad, you've shown us countless times how pathetic and harmful racism is, and you've shown us that being true to ourselves is something we should be ashamed of (unless we're white, male, and straight! That's some shit to be proud of!). Thanks to your wonderful lessons I lied to myself for 25 years. Thanks to your lessons I learned to sit quietly by as bad things happened (it's the will of god after all (sorry, my God gave us freewill hoping that we wouldn't fuck up (oops)), so why bother?) because "one person can't make a difference". In a way that was right, one person can't make a difference to the whole world by themselves, but one person can encourage others to stand up. One person can start a movement that changes the world. You see us as mindless drones attached to our "gadgets", who are oblivious to the things around us. You are so wrong. We see the world. We see how messed up it is. We are trying to make things better. Whether it's cheaper education, or medication that is more freely available, or it's standing up against injustice through social media and writing. We are fighting this war that you forgot about. You grew complacent with the corruption in the system until the system became corruption. You let the world fall to pieces. We're just trying to pick up those pieces. Instead of helping though, you call us entitled when we say that education has gotten too expensive. You call us lazy when you hear about people living off welfare, but you don't see that there are no jobs. You call us freaks when we support gender issues, but you don't understand the problems.
       God forbid that you try and understand though. God forbid that you try and change to be a better person. God forbid you admit that maybe you guys messed up a little. I know, it's far easier to just blame the next generation. "Kids these days, they just don't understand how hard it was." You know what? You don't understand how hard it is now.
        As the lazy entitled millennial you are probably imagining me to be, I just want to say, as I quickly look up from my cell phone (lol social media, right?), in a mumbling voice: "thanks, or whatever."
































I wanted to end this with either a Douglas Adams quote, or by saying "fuck off", but I decided against both. So long. Thanks for killing the fish.